Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.
Introducing a New Expert Content Section: Careers!

Grade my SAT essay?

nolanconceptsnolanconcepts Registered User Posts: 85 Junior Member
Hello, I have my sat tomorrow and would really appreciate it if someone could grade my essay and provide feedback on what to work on, thanks.

Prompt: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?

Today the world is rapidly changing. Creativity is dramatically needed as a new boom in technology and science is occurring.

Through the actions of individuals such as Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, a new boom of technology is occurring. Without creativity. Advancements in this field would halt. Hence no social media or smart phones would exist. Creativity for this field is urgently needed as technology expands. Now people have access to wearable technology and able to connect virtually anything to the internet. Thus with no innovation, technology would stay at a stalemate.

A creative person is also needed for science. Recently NASA launched a program to set up a colony on mars. The creative engineers at NASA have to use their knowledge to develop new ideas of getting a rocket to mars with human life. Just imagine the possibilities leading up to the future.

Overall, creativity is vital for the world today. It has gotten us smartphones, social media and space exploration. When creativity ends, the world will go back to the Stone Age.

Two things I believe I struggle at is coming up and developing ideas.

Thank you to whoever grades and leaves feedback for my essay.

Replies to: Grade my SAT essay?

  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,184 Senior Member
    Through the actions of individuals such as Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, a new boom of technology is occurring
    ^ This is the same as the previous sentence.

    Without creativity. Advancements in this field would halt.
    ^ I think you meant to combine these.

    Thus with no innovation, technology would stay at a stalemate.
    ^ You haven't proven anything in this paragraph. Examples, man, examples! You basically just repeated your thesis several times.

    Just imagine the possibilities leading up to the future
    ^ Did NASA pay you to shill for them or

    the world will go back to the Stone Age.
    ^ You veered off into "certifiably nuts" here... Do you really think we'll spontaneously become Neanderthals? What?
  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,184 Senior Member
    First paragraph is okay, if short and repetitive.

    Second paragraph is super repetitive. What did Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerburg do? Why are they important? How do they prove your point? Don't just tell us that technology is important over and over again.

    Third paragraph similarly short on details. Reads like an ad for NASA. Prove your point.

    Last paragraph is okay except for the final sentence. You can't just throw in crazy stuff like that right at the end, lol. Hyperbole doesn't translate well in serious essays. I literally laughed out loud.
  • MITer94MITer94 Registered User Posts: 4,747 Senior Member
    edited February 2015
    I agree with @bodangles - you are constantly reiterating your point without enough evidence to support it.

    There are several ways to improve your essay:

    1. As we have both said, examples! Evidence! For example, you can talk about the increasing need for creativity in academia, or that many high-paying careers that are available today that weren't available 100 years ago (e.g. software engineering) require a good amount of creativity.

    2. Talk a little bit more about what Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg did. What did they do that was innovative?

    3. There are some grammatical issues that should be fixed.

    4. What is "this field?"
  • nolanconceptsnolanconcepts Registered User Posts: 85 Junior Member
    Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it. I will work on fixing this essay as I want to improve my writing score
This discussion has been closed.