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Grade my essay? "Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?"

positiveionpositiveion Registered User Posts: 102 Junior Member
edited September 2012 in SAT Preparation
"Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?"

People should not make an effort to keep things private. Making an effort to keep things private and unsaid implies secrecy and promotes conformism. It can also help generate a culture built of repression and unsaid things. This can be seen through popular modern day literature and films, both of which tend to reflect important social phenomenons or ideals.

The novel ‘We need to talk about Kevin’ by Lionel Shreve depicts a young boy’s life through the perspective of his mothers’ musings of the past. As a child, Kevin displayed many abnormal tendencies and in particular, seemed to derive great joy from inflicting pain onto others. Despite the fact that Kevin did not fit in with other children throughout his childhood and adolescence and his distinctively sadistic tendencies and emotions, his mother kept her feelings in this respect hidden, keeping her sons’ unconventionalities hidden. Later in his life, Kevin partook in a school shooting, inflicting excruciatingly painful deaths upon many of his peers. Although this was not a direct consequence of any of her actions, perhaps Kevins mother was partially at fault for maintaining too much privacy and refusing for her son’s behaviour to be exposed and thus perhaps mitigated or prevented.

The popular film ‘V for Vendetta’ depicts the detrimental effect of excessive weight on privacy being placed on society. Such a society, as depicted in the film, is shrouded by privacy and passivity. All the people kept to themselves and maintained a high degree of privacy and secrecy for the controversial views they held with regards to their society, culture and government. As a consequence, this society becomes easily controlled by a fascist government.

The detriments of a culture of privacy is also depicted by the popular novel ‘Fight Club’ by Chuck Palahiniuk. The novel is set in a modern society characterized by subtle mental oppression. The characters exist in a world filled with monotony and unhappiness, hiding their emotions in an effort to maintain a misguided sense of privacy. It is only upon exposing these “private” emotions and thoughts that the characters are able to overcome a lifetime of indoctrination and repression in order to experience catharsis and liberation.

The above examples all demonstrate the similar idea that excessive weight placed on privacy promotes and encourages societies filled with secrecy and repression. Thus, people should not make more of an effort to keep things private.
Post edited by positiveion on

Replies to: Grade my essay? "Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?"

  • gregbobgregbob Registered User Posts: 199 Junior Member
    between a 10/12 and an 11/12.
  • positiveionpositiveion Registered User Posts: 102 Junior Member
    Could you tell me the ways in which I could improve?
  • gregbobgregbob Registered User Posts: 199 Junior Member
    Just some weird sentence structures here and there....
  • gayaznpanda94gayaznpanda94 Registered User Posts: 22 New Member
    CAn someone grade mine as well

    Privacy is of utmost importance to human beings. Certain information is needed to be kept private due to the harmful effects it can produce if revealed, such as jeopardizing human relationships.
    In December 2010, videos of statements by a variety of world leader, meant to be kept secret by various governments, were inadvertently leaked and documented on a website called Wikileaks. Most of the information was not meant to be serious, but was subject to different interpretations, especially those whom the information was concerned with. In such cases, a bad mood by a state leader could be inaccurately interpreted as a desire for aggression and hostility to another country. A minority of the information was serious, such as Saudi Arabia's king Abdullah urging the United States military to invade Iran and destroy their nuclear program, and were obvious threats to regional stability and security. In short, the Wikileaks, when made public, were very damaging to diplomatic relations around the world and put into jeopardy many countries' foreign policy interests.
    On a lighter note, I had been friends with my roommate, a guy I knew since grade school, until this year because information was not kept private. One day, my roommate came back drunk and yelled at me because he had failed his midterm exam. I because rather angry, and texted my friend, ranting how much an "A-hole" my roommate was being. One day, my roomate was with that friend, and most likely looked through that friend's text messages. He found the message, and instantly called me, yelling slanderous aspersions for over half and hour, and refused to calm down. Had such a text been kept secret, I would've stayed good friends with my roommate and our relationship would not have been destroyed by that one meaningless text.
    In conclusion, we should definitely try to keep some things private. Some information, if revealed, can only have detrimental effects upon everyday life and hurt our relationships with one another. As the popular saying goes, " that what happens in the club, stays in the club."
  • louislabakylouislabaky Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
    The topic "if people make more of an effort to keep some things private" has been a controversial issue. Some people believe that things must be private others doesn't. We will analyze at first that nowadays nothing is private at first culture and second in scientific way.We find a compelling examples and arguments that support this thesis.

    -First, In our lives we must make effort to keep thinking like the British writer Shakespeare he wrote some much novel now the world imitate him and study his ideas at one minute. But he tired so much to do it.

    -Second, Scientific discoveries cannot be explored easiest but they sometimes they don't must to tell. For example, Einstein he discover the 'relativity' and he feel to said that "LIFE IS MATH".

    -Thus, our culture, our feelings, our life... nowadays is not private all the world want to know about our families, our life in detail.
  • truck1996truck1996 Registered User Posts: 4 New Member
    Can someone grade mine and give me improvement tips?

    Privacy is one of the most important rights that people, as humans, have been given. Privacy is something that keeps one safe from many of the harmful people in society. This has been demonstrated through literature, history and has been proved through social networking.

    In the book 1984, by George Orwell, Winston Smith had attempted to keep his feelings of rebellion against the party to himself throughout his life. This worked until Winston started telecasting his ideas of rebellion against "The Party" to other people such as the Prole store owner, O'Brian and Julia. This ultimately resulted in his capture and torture at the Ministry of Love. Therefore, it is the most beneficial to keep one's feelings to oneself in society as mentioned above since it helps one keep oneself safe from society's predators such as "The Party".

    In history, during World War II, Hitler abolished any rebellion against the Nazi Party. This included people who supported Jews or tried to start a party against the Nazi's. This also resulted in the death of anyone. Keeping their feelings private and working underground to over throw Hitler would have been a better idea. People who showed their act of rebellion against Hitler, and the Jews were brutally killed for practicing their own values in public. If so, the people who wanted to rebel had worked secretly, they would have had more immediate success.

    In social networking, people share nearly everything. One meets another through a social network and believes that they are the person who they state they are and have been robbed, raped and even killed in some cases. This is the direct result of sharing nearly everything to the unknown person. The sharing of everything will and has impacted individuals in a negative way and therefore has hurt psychologically or physically. If one had kept personal information private, they would not have been impacted in a negative way such as being robbed, raped or killed or the many other cases that have occurred in the past.

    Therefore, because of the above reasons, it is best to keep some of your values, beliefs private and therefore, it is necessary for one to make more of an effort to keep things private. This has been observed and proven through literature, history and current events that are happening in social networks. Ergo, it is best if one keeps or tries to keep their personal thoughts to themselves instead of confessing everything to others.
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