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Grade my essay?

rishi95rishi95 Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
edited November 2011 in SAT Preparation
Assignment: Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.

The question: "Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is?" suggests that it requires time to essentially know someone since looks can bamboozle your portrayal of them. In other words, looks can be deceiving. In my opinion, appearances are misleading and can cause improper judgments. Throughout society and in life, the evidence to support my viewpoint is pervasive.

Consider the tyrant, Li Fu Zhou, who ruled a Chinese empire in 1793. Zhou was eminent for his gentleness and great treatment of children. Everyone expected him to reign the empire fairly. However after he was put into power, he implemented harsh reforms that demoralized the women of China. Women had restricted roles and society and were perceived lower than the men were. As you can see, the seemingly courteous Zhou turned out to be a harsh ruler once he was given power.

Also take for example Joe Livly, a con-artist CEO head of an American business in 1948. Joe Livly had a reputation for his concerns of giving back to his community. He provided several thousand jobs to unemployed citizens in Louisiana. However as curiosity of how Livly was able to supply incomes to such a mass of workers arose, investigators discovered a major portion of revenue came from illegal drug sales. As you can see, Livly was not the picture-perfect CEO he displayed himself to be.

The last vivid example is the novel "Fahrenheit 451" by Ray Bradbury The main character, Guy Montag, is portrayed as a fireman with the sole purpose to burn books. However as the novel progresses, Guy begins to think and visualize logically. He begins to preserve books rather than burning them and he also starts to analyze the meaning behind them to discover their essence. As you can see, Guy Montag comes off as an obdurate man but turns out to become a person with flexible viewpoints.

Clearly, the examples above show that what you see is not usually what you get. Look at Li Fu Zhou, who was initially presented as a compassionate guy but turned out to render women useless in society. What about Guy Montag, whose stubborn personality turned out to be analytical and curious. If only the world was not deceived by false appearances, our lives would truly be better.
Post edited by rishi95 on

Replies to: Grade my essay?

  • Fat_NerdFat_Nerd - Posts: 941 Member
    I love the persuasive tone of your essay.
  • rishi95rishi95 Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
    Thanks! Can you give it a score from 1-12 or 1-6? Also, if you have any suggestions please post some :)!
  • Fat_NerdFat_Nerd - Posts: 941 Member
    I'd love to give you a score, but I won't. It's because I'm not a grader, and only a grader can accurately score your essay. I don't want to give you a false indicator.

    But what I can tell you, is that the examples were well-chosen (but needed slightly more elaboration), minimal grammar mistakes, varied sentence structure, mediocre transitions (but acceptable nonetheless), apt vocabulary.
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