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SAT Essay tips and corrections

isabella28isabella28 13 replies3 threads Junior Member
edited August 14 in SAT Preparation
Hello! I´m an international student preparing for the September SAT Exam and I would really appreciate if someone could read the following essay and give me some advice, check it or whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Moderator's Note: Removed copyrighted material.
edited August 14
6 replies
Post edited by Lindagaf on
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Replies to: SAT Essay tips and corrections

  • isabella28isabella28 13 replies3 threads Junior Member
    Here is my essay:

    The idea that the US government must continue to fund national parks has its roots in the effects tourism has on the American economy. In “Government Must Preserve National Parks”, author Davidson puts forth a detailed argument that governments should not reduce the amount of money invested in the maintenance of these parks. In doing so, he employs a variety of rhetorical elements to persuade the reader, including word choice, statistics, and appeal to authority.

    Davison begins his argument by mentioning a series of anecdotes presented as a rhetorical question. By doing so, he makes the reader recall all those beautiful moments most Americans have experienced in "the deep blue caldera of Crater Lake" and may other parks. In addition, he chooses very descriptive vocabulary to make those memories even stronger so the reader will remember every detail of that lovely occasion. For instance, when he describes “the spectacular October fall colors of red maples, oaks and hickories in the forests of the Great Smoky Mountains". The author exploits the fact that every citizen has a lovely memory in those beautiful parks. This enables Todd to open us up to accepting his main argument about the importance of the maintenance of national parks.

    Just as persuasive as his word choice is Davidson’s use of statistics. “Nearly 300 million people visit one or more of American´s 401 national parks,” he says, “generating more than $30 billion in pending and supporting a quarter-milion jobs”: The use of numbers makes his arguments hard to argue against because they are perceived as facts, not opinions. Moreover, he establishes that the travel and tourism industry represents $1.8 trillion in economic output and supports 14 million American jobs. Once again, he makes use of statistics to demonstrate in an objective way the essential role travel and tourism play in the national economy. Apart from that, it makes the reader think of the damage that a decline in the budget of such a big industry could make in his or her beloved country. Without statistics, Todd Davidson´s message would lose credibility.

    Lastly, the author bolsters his argument by appealing to authority. He establishes the fact that in 2012 President Obama has already taken measures to elevate the travel and tourism industry “to what it should be: a national priority”. For readers to disagree with the author´s main point about the importance of national parks for America, they would have to disagree with their elected president. In addition, it demonstrates the reader the importance of the topic that the author defends has. If it was irrelevant, Obama would not have bothered to deal with it.

    In summary, Todd Davidson - using word choice, statistic, and appealing to authority - effectively makes the case that America´s national parks are important contributors to the economy and that the money invested in them should not be cut down. It is his use of persuasive elements that not only inform the reader of the problem America may face but also spur the reader into action.
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  • skieuropeskieurope 41662 replies7999 threads Super Moderator
    No college other than West point asks for the "with essay" anymore. Don't spend time on this.
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  • isabella28isabella28 13 replies3 threads Junior Member
    Yes, I know. But I don´t think it will hurt sending it. Apart from that, I´m an international students, so I think writing the essay will give the admission officer another way to compare me with people around the world.
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  • RichInPittRichInPitt 2810 replies48 threads Senior Member
    Admission officers don’t receive your essay, only the score CB gives it. When no other students applying have taken the essay, they have nothing to compare to.

    Believe us - when a school doesn’t use the essay score, sending it in will be of no use as it will be completely ignored. And that’s pretty much every school today.

    Having said that, if you need feedback, the Essays forum may get more attention than the SAT forum. There’s a thread with a list of essay readers who provide feedback (I assume - I’ve never actually visited that forum).
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  • isabella28isabella28 13 replies3 threads Junior Member
    Ok, thank you very much!
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  • skieuropeskieurope 41662 replies7999 threads Super Moderator
    edited August 13
    RichInPitt wrote: »

    Having said that, if you need feedback, the Essays forum may get more attention than the SAT forum. There’s a thread with a list of essay readers who provide feedback (I assume - I’ve never actually visited that forum).

    SAT essay questions belong in this subfirum.
    isabella28 wrote: »
    Yes, I know. But I don´t think it will hurt sending it. Apart from that, I´m an international students, so I think writing the essay will give the admission officer another way to compare me with people around the world.

    As noted, they never see your actual essays. Put thewodk into the application essays.
    edited August 13
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