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help me score this essay

kindheartedkindhearted Registered User Posts: 95 Junior Member
edited November 2007 in SAT Preparation
Can you give comments about my SAT essay. I have written my first two essays. .....

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

For a variety of reasons, people often make choices that have negative results. Later, they regret these choices, finding out too late that bad choices can be costly. On the other hand, decisions that seem completely reasonable when they are made may also be the cause of later disappointment and suffering. What looks like a wonderful idea at one time can later seem like the worst decision that could have been made. Good choices, too, can be costly.

Assignment: Are bad choices and good choices equally likely to have negative consequences? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Bad choices and good choices aren't equally likely to have negative consequences. If both cause bad consequences, then the bad consequence of the "good choice" will be much less serious thatn that of the "bad choice". The reason is quite simple: good thing, by definition will "help" you more than the "bad" one.

The fact that good choice is less likely to cause trouble is so obvious. For example my brother told me that when he was admitted to college, though quite happy, he still spend time poring over a list of courses and credits. His friends are happy too (They are also admitted.), but they spent time playing game or travelling instead. As a result, he came up with a pretty good combination of courses, while his friends didn't because they had too little time. In addition, this college's academic choices isn't as flexible as others, so his friends is very very tired of studying; they burnt out. Meanwhile, he, and those who carefully researched the college, don't have to stay up late every night to finish classwork. By saying this, I mean people who are careful will have a better result than who carelessly choose bad choice.

Choosing good choice, you can help yourself very much, even though you end up in disappointment. In middle school, I was once determined to get into the best high school in my city. I studied like mad, while my peers didn't. As a result, I was too weary of learning to concentrate on my exam; I must go to a bad high school, while my peers who weren't as good as me get into better one. I consider this a disappointing result. But if fact, in that bad high school, I wind up in the top because I made use of what I tried hard to learn in the previous years. In the end, I transfered to the best high school.

Two examples assert that good choice and bad choice are very very different.

This is a timed first draft. From your experience of your score, your friends' scores, or whatever, can you score my essay.
I appreciate any ideas, so that I will do better next time.
Post edited by kindhearted on

Replies to: help me score this essay

  • iin77iin77 Registered User Posts: 828 Member

    Again, the examples are good, but the grammar is bad. You should definitely make time to edit it. If you want me to correct the grammar, let me know.
This discussion has been closed.