A Guide to Collegiate Alumni

hawkette
Mon, 17 May 2010 11:47:25 +0000

From a friendly source, below are reprinted very tongue-in-cheek comments about graduates of the Ivies. Some are pretty funny. I thought it might be fun to add to this list for other colleges around the USA.

Harvard: Smart. Very smart. Usually very driven. Usually tells you in the first half-hour of conversation that he/she went to Harvard. Doesn’t care where you went to school or what you experience was because it wasn’t Harvard and thus there is no way you are as smart as them.

Yale: Smart. Very smart. Usually very driven. Usually tells you in the first hour of conversation that he/she went to Yale. More likely to care about saving the world than their counterparts at Harvard.

Princeton: Smart. Very smart. Usually very driven. Usually works the conversation in the first half-hour in a direction that prompts you to ask them where they went to college.

Columbia: Smart. Very smart. Usually very driven. Usually directs the conversation in a way so that they can tell you how many stellar faculty members are affiliated with Columbia (while conveniently neglecting to add that they frequently have zero to do with undergraduate education).

Dartmouth: Smart. Very smart. Usually very driven. After telling you how much they love Dartmouth and how much more tightknit it is than every other college, usually tells you how much more favorable the investment banking recruiting is at Dartmouth than at the other Ivies and other elites. Uh,…plan B?

U Penn: Smart. Very smart. Usually very, very driven. Usually directs and peppers the conversation with comparisons that insist that U Penn is just as good as HYP and better than everywhere else, Ivy or not, and that West Philly is actually a swell place.

Brown: Smart. Very smart. Usually more quietly driven. Usually the most amiable alumni of the Ivies and, with Dartmouth, probably had the most fun in college. At least the part that they can remember. Easiest Ivy to mock.

Cornell: Smart. Very smart. Usually driven. Insists that the two weeks of fall beauty is worth the 6 months of hell that will follow. Frequently reminds you that it must be a great school because it’s in the Ivy League.