About 7 months into Japan exchange- thoughts?

Qixiyo
Mon, 19 Mar 2018 22:07:40 +0000

I honestly don’t know where else to talk about this but here I go. I’ve been dreaming of going to Japan since freshman year and took Japanese classes at my school, followed my dreams and came here, for reference this is a high school exchange. My life in the states, both home and school were absolutely terrible which isn’t important but I’m definitely not going back home early.

My program has districts with other exchange students and students who have returned and such, and I just got back from a Kyoto trip with them. I considered this my last chance to befriend them because I sperged my first impressions with them but alas despite my attempts I am the outcast as usual and ended up socializing more with Japanese people. Additionally we got to meet some new exchange students from that area, sperged with them too because I got news my dog died back home and lost my composure a bit.

I loved Kyoto and such, the old style streets and everything but my anxiety definitely maxed there and we were rushed around a lot, the other foreigners (even the other American) not liking me certainly didn’t help. I was looking forward to that trip a lot but hopefully I can go back someday.

Besides that I attend a local high school here. The students were quite welcoming and I have gone out with them some but I’m still awkward, and during the lunchtime I go on my phone (which is surprisingly common here). I do well in school in the U.S. but the only classes I participate here in are English, PE, etc. although I still am awful at sports.

None of my host families have been amazing, but none awful either. First one had cute kids, so far I like them the best but I’m not good with little kids and the first few months of exchange are hard. 2nd one was a dud, the boys were in their rooms all the time and didn’t talk to me, I didn’t like the host parents a whole lot despite them getting presents for me and such. One right now I enjoy living with but they don’t go out at all. I’ll be happy to move to a new city soon.

It’s just awful because everyone talks of exchange being the best thing either. I feel like crying here a lot but can’t. Although some parts of my social anxiety has improved, I am still unable to form friendships and no matter how many times I hang out with someone I’m still awkward. At the very least, coming here makes me want to seek therapy to improve my life and truly be able to enjoy all this wonderful things (I was suicidal before coming here) but obviously I can’t now, bad timing. I wouldn’t mind coming back here for college.

By no means do I regret this exchange, even with all the bad parts I’ve made better memories here than I have for most of my adolescence. I don’t have any other foreign friends really to go out with and such but all I can do now is just make the most of these last 4 months. Today I’ve spend recovering from the Kyoto trip but I’m trying to keep my head up. Any advice someone can give me to enjoy these last parts? Ask a guy out here? Maybe try befriending foreigners I see walking around? Just do what I can with my Japanese acquaintances?