Advice for son who does not care about grades

mom2and
Sun, 07 Mar 2010 09:48:42 +0000

bogibogi
Slightly different advice as a mom of 2 smart but unmotivated boys (still hoping the 3rd is more motivated). Many 15yo boys have a hard time understanding that their choices today will impact the letters they will get in April of their senior year. Yes, you have to accept your son for who he is (love the kid on the couch, not the one you imagined). However, there is nothing wrong with bugging him to get his work done. It is called being a parent. There is huge difference between redirecting a kid back to homework and doing the work for them.

Kids flame out in college for many reasons. Certainly, those whose parents did the work for them or always paved the way, have a harder time in college. Of course parents should take a lesser role as the kid moves through high school. That doesn’t mean you should leave them entirely to their own devices at age 15 or 16. I doubt that the percentage of kids who fail in college is higher because took away the gaming console and forced them to do homework sophmore year. Kids who end up failing or doing poorly in high school may also be those whose parents used the sink or swim method, but didn’t notice their child drowning until it was too late. Those kid have really hard time even getting to college.

I have seen huge growth in my middle son, now a junior, who is doing his work now without being bugged, at least most of the time. That was not true last year when I would get emails from teachers about missing assignments or see 0s on interim reports. I refused to give up on him and let him become a total slacker. The xbox or cable model would be gone for a few days or Friday night would be spent at home. He has matured enough that he is keeping up with the work on his own and sees the value of doing reasonably well. I doubt he will ever stop procrstinating or become a type A, driven student, but he is getting the job done.

The job of a parent is to make a child independent by the time they graduate from high school. Some kids make the leap later than others. Certainly as kids move through high school they should become more independent. IMO, that doesn’t mean parents have no role in helping them to get to that point.

It doesn’t sound like your son is lazy, just not willing to do all that is necessary to become one of the top students in his class. As others have said, a visit to MIT next summer to attend an info session may help motivate him. You can easily ask a question you want answered - such as how MIT looks at grades in admissions. The typical answer is that MIT (and other top colleges) is looking for kids that got great grades in the most difficult curriculum. Good luck!