Advice for sons on sex,dating

yulsie
Sun, 20 Mar 2005 17:58:00 +0000

I have talked quite a bit over the years in practical terms about what I consider the real dangers of sexual activity, since I believe sex education courses scare the kids too much by focusing on diseases, especially AIDS, to the exclusion of behavior issues and relationship ethics. One of my friends preaches abstinence by saying to her teens “If you’re tempted to have sex, ask yourself if it’s worth dying for!” She’s a loving mother and a darling person, but we disagree on this issue. In our county, kids get sex ed in middle school and again in 10th grade - they take tests on VD - they know more than I do, and I think there’s no sense harping on it.

What I mention to S is - 1) the fact that the sexual urge is extremely powerful and that it is closely linked to the deepest emotions, an automatic intensification of a relationship (jealousy, confusion about love, etc. etc.) - that it is powerful juju and should not be taken lightly, and that it often accompanies, but is definitely not identical to love. 2) as a young man, it is imperative to ensure that his partner truly wants to have sex ("make sure she actually says “yes!”) 3) always use protection, because he could end up paying child support for 18 years and it would be a heavy burden starting out in life.