Advice for sons on sex,dating

momrath
Thu, 17 Mar 2005 03:02:53 +0000

Sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy and emotional responsibility are all hugely important topics for discussion between boys (and girls of course, but the subject here is boys) and their parents. Most, but not all, high schools seem to have included these in their “health” curriculums so teenagers are well indoctrinated, at least superficially. Start early and keep talking!

Since we’d been fairly communicative with our son throughout his middle school and high school years, I thought we were covered, so for me, the real eye-opener was the issue of date rape on campus. Before our son left for college we had dinner with two academics who are also parents of grown children. They really shocked our son (and us) when they launched into a frank – and much appreciated – discussion about what BOYS need to know about date rape and how they can protect themselves from false accusations which can devastate both parties.

The problem with date rape accusations is that they are nebulous and very difficult either to prove (from the girl’s side) or disprove (from the boy’s side). In the best case, the boy may be implicated due to wretched communication. In the worst case, he may be the victim of a vengeful accuser. When alcohol or drugs are involved, what the male may assume is consensual may be later interpreted as coerced.

The good advice our son was given was avoid the alcohol/drugs+sex combo, articulate consent before proceeding, and believe that no means NO.

Since the male children of all us CC’ers are sensitive and gentlemanly, it’s difficult to imagine that they could ever be accused of something as sordid and heartbreaking as date rape; however, an awareness of the risks is the best protection, so please add this topic to the discussion list.