Advice from those with engaged kids, please...

greenbutton
Mon, 21 Dec 2015 16:06:44 +0000

OP here – to answer @abasket, my reservations are purely about commitment, and the worry this lack of formal commitment is a harbinger of problems. I see that doesn’t necessarily mean a thing. I am sure I’ll have the chance to talk to him over the holidays, and we have a pretty straightforward and honest relationship; I think he would be open to questions founded in concern for their future if I can not be an inadvertant jerk. And as mentioned, we do like the gf a lot, but that’s more of an added bonus, not a requirement.

Grandma won’t like it , but she doesn’t get a vote and has 3 other sets of grandchildren who have cohabitated (one is married now, one is permanently engaged, one fell apart at the seams) so it’s hardly a new thing. Their sexual relationship is waaaaaay not my business. Religious beliefs are theirs to square with God, not mine.

He did mention this living together as their “perfect world” scenario, which implies that if he were offered a great job elsewhere, they’d have to decide what to do. But he has to look for a job somewhere, and he loves her, so why wouldn’t he start where she will be? I think that’s what we’d want for him, someone to love, and a way to be together. Maybe my general grief at his leaving us geographically is bleeding into the rest of it.