Advice from those with engaged kids, please...

abasket
Mon, 21 Dec 2015 15:12:35 +0000

Something to think about (and I mean this in the kindest way - and found myself thinking this way too when my S said he and GF/Fiance were going to get an apt together after they got engaged)…be honest and list the reasons you are uncomfortable or against living together before marriage…
Religious beliefs?
What will other family members/friends say???
How will I tell Grandma?
Living together is “permission” for a sexual relationship?
and…???

Also think about if living together makes “good” sense for this couple.

As Romani said, weddings are expensive - does it make sense to pay 2 rent for two places as opposed to one? (as opposed to one when one apt is going to remain empty much of the time because the couple WANTS to be together??)
Shortly after my S and his GF/Fiance moved in together, her mom was encouraging them to get a pet. I’ll always remember these words of my S’s GF - “we need to learn how to take care of ourselves and our relationship well before we add any other living thing to our home” - hmmm…those were really wise words to me!!!
As far as the sexual relationship - well, depending on the situation, really, is this something to even be a concern? In some ways, living together is an early step to learning that while sex is important, it is NOT (or should not be) the "all " of a relationship.

Accepting these type of decisions - even if they are not your most favorite decisions - are part of the letting go and growing up and apart (in a healthy way) process.