advice needed for a not so well written essay.

thatsme
Wed, 27 Oct 2004 19:40:08 +0000

Could someone please comment on how i should improve my essay? This is my first draft and i am applying ED. so please help! i am trying to make my writing flow better and sound more sincere. ANYTHING WOULD HELP! THANK YOU in advance!

“Dear Chris,

We are pleased to offer you a place in the Summer Institute for Mathematics at the University of Washington (SIMUW) and are very much looking forward to working with you….”

This letter, along with a four-hour drive, brought me to room 306, McMahon Hall, where I would spend six weeks of my junior year summer submerged in a group of gifted high school students. This letter also brought me the first time, when I no longer felt like the “Know-it-all” I used to be back in High School, when I was able to interact with professors and mathematicians who are leading experts in their fields, and where I experienced competition with talented students who were as accomplished as I was.


Academically, SIMUW exposed me to the full extent and profundity of mathematics, from the arcane subject of higher dimensional space to the proof of the impossibility of trisecting an angle through the Theory of Equations, which I would never see in any High School Class. In the Theory of Equation class, Dr. Cohn illustrated the link between geometry and algebra by proving the impossibility of trisecting the angle, an ancient Greek geometry dilemma, through the usage of algebraic expressions such as quadratic extension and The Cauchy-Schwarz equation. This class proved to be extremely challenging for everyone, and the frustration of not being able to understand most of the lectures bothered many people, myself included. However, this promoted much teamwork; we’d often gather around in the common room after dinner and try to ‘decipher’ the esoteric concepts of Dr. Cohn’s lectures. Even though learning had not always been a smooth ride at SIMUW, I felt most satisfied every time I was able to grasp a new concept without having to be taught, no matter how much time it took. Just as my father said, “you learn the most when you are being challenged. And the feeling thereafter is incredible.”

“SIMUW is much more than a Math Institute, it is a life changing experience where I met twenty-three new friends who share the same interests as I do, it is…” I said during my closing ceremony speech. From sitting outside on the balcony enjoying the breeze and chatting into the night to conversing at breakfast while reading free newspaper, the list of unforgettable memories and unique paradigms goes on. During the July Fourth long weekend, Peter invited John, Jessica, and me to stay over at his aunt’s house by Lake Washington. I could still vividly remember the time when I struggled to get up on my water skis while the boat is going at 40 miles per hour, or the time I canoed with Jessica to the middle of the lake in our little row boat and almost getting knocked over by the waves, or the time we rode the boat over to UW to watch the fireworks instead if driving by car. Toward the end of the program, many of us even moved out of our double bedrooms to sleep in the common room or even on the balcony (as I did) so we could spend more time together. Even though most people cried among the farewells and parting hugs, for me, the emotion is beyond such sentiment. As the last one to leave, I said farewell to SIMUW and to a segment of my life that will always shine in memory.


Even though SIMUW is the first time that I’ve been away from home to study abroad, it will definitely not be the last. Academically and socially, SIMUW could be seen as a preview of my college education to come. Socially, I am confident that I can live independently and easily adapt to the college setting, where I may be a stranger at first. What I’ve learned from SIMUW will be a part of me wherever and whenever I go.