Advice RE: ADHD son with serious struggles

conmama
Thu, 13 Aug 2015 16:00:31 +0000

First…take a deep breath. Many of us have been there and done that. When my now (nearly 22 year old) DS was 16, he was diagnosed with ADHD-NOS. He started out in a private high school, hated it and ended up at our local public high school, which he loved. His grades were plummetting, and he just didn’t care. We thought when he started 10th grade and enjoyed being in school, hopefully the grades would go up. NO…they were worse! We were just frantic, as he has been a Straight A student through 7th grade. We took him to the docs and had all the tests. Started him on meds, and although they helped his personality, not so much his grades. I think he was Executive Dysfunction…that’ why the NOS. He had weekly meetings with the docs, life coaches etc.

He started on week about 16-17 and for the next two years it was a cat and mouse game with us. We had him doing urine tests, punishmetns, consequences. Caught him sneaking out of the house. His grades were crappy. It was the most stressful time. But like, you, he basically had a nice personality…but I hated him so much of the time anyway. A slob, rolling his eyes…it starts my PVC’s just thinking about it. I even went to the doc myself for advice. He basically told me sometimes there is nothing we can do until they grow out of it.

He also did something really really bad that I don’t want to talk about…so it went from bad to worse.

His senior year there was a time when it almost came to punches between he and my DH (who is the calmest person you would ever know). Things were not good at our house in H.S.

So…he went to college…and although he was on probation once semester, he hasn’t been since then…although his grades haven’t been great…but improving.

However…about a year ago, we noticed he was so different. We could actually have conversations with him. He didn’t mind being around us, he didn’t get angry.

He will be starting his 4th year of college (he will have to go one more semester). He finally decided on a major and took 2 classes this summer. An A and B (in finance nonetheless!). He’s pleasant, he’s focused, he doesn’t mind being around us. My son is back. Yes…he’s almost 22. But those 3 years from H.S. have been quite the transformation. And it’s nothing WE did. It’s just that prefrontal cortex maturing. Time did the trick.

ADHD kids are behind. Many of his peers were like how he is now at 18 or 19. Sometimes we have to just wait it out and pray.

So, I don’t know if I’ve really offered you any help except hope. It does get better. I do agree that consequences has to be fast acting and short lived. Talk, talk, talk to them. I don’t for once regret doing the things I did…making him do urine tests, sneaking through his room when he was not there. He has thanked us for always being there in notes now (for Mothers Day and Father’s Day).

Keep telling him you love him, give him positive reinforcements, make him do things with you and DH.

Big Hugs to you…been there, done that!

Oh for crying out loud…I just noticed this was from 2 years ago. Oh well…maybe someone can get some benefit from my post.