African-americans self segregating at BS

ExieMITAlum
Sat, 15 Jan 2011 22:11:25 +0000

Oh, You are so preaching to the choir.

To play devil’s advocate: white students can “segregate” easily because of sheer numbers and not be called out for it. But when we do it for similar reasons it’s considered suspect. That’s the “Catch 22” in all of this. The reality is - some experiences are shared and common. Can be expressed without overt statements. So there are times when bonding with people of a similar culture can be a great positive. I can talk to my hubby about some things and he’s already got the reference point and the “database” that forms the foundation of my comment.

On the other hand, my D talked about intentionally avoiding the segregated tables because her friends back home were multi- cultural and multi-economic (Russian, German, Chinese, rich, poor, etc…) The photos on her Facebook page from the Xmas “reunion” was pretty much a rainbow.

Because she didn’t come to BS through A Better Chance or Prep for Prep many minority kids knew each other before they entered the school. They labeled her as the “rich kid.” (she’s not by a long shot.) And rich kids avoided her because she wasn’t rich enough (or at least that’s what she thought.) She wasn’t “black enough” for the black kids, or “white enough” for the white kids.

It took her a month of being worried about fitting in until she realized there were other misfit, mislabeled kids at the school who were experiencing the same angst. The secret society for the prevention of zombies, for example. There were also “groups” where she shared an interest: the dancers, the theatre group, the musicians. The Latin kids and the debaters. Now she’s back to laughing and giggling and conspiring. This past holiday she went through the school’s student directory and gave us a running commentary on just about every student listed. Even the school commented on the grade report on how quickly she’d adapted to the environment.

But you know what - the interesting thing is when she got to the AA faces, in almost every case she said “she (or he’s) nice to me.” So she had taken our advice to be herself, seek out a wide swath of friends with similar interests, and not worry about fitting in. When she did that, the other kids began to seek her out and her “fortunes” changed. But when I look at who her closest friends are - they’re mostly international.

I do think that most BS URM parents, in particular, understand on a visceral level, that if their students don’t learn to navigate in a world where the majority of people do NOT look like them, then they’ll struggle when it comes time to migrating into that world. That’s why they send their kids to boarding school But some parents are scared their children will lose their cultural identity. Or be exposed to wealth that can’t be recreated at home. So they inadvertently teach “safety in numbers.”

Don’t you think that’s a psychological remnant from the days when we couldn’t walk alone out of fear of being attacked?

I just tell my daughter - kids who fail to learn how to work in a diverse cultural environment - will not be competition for her when she applies to college or for a job. Those kids will be looking in the window wondering why the world is leaving them behind. It starts with their parents, peers, and some school faculty teaching them to stay with their own kind. To not risk going outside the boundaries. To make “safe” choices.

And it reinforces the very things that make it nearly impossible for them to succeed.

I do know that Taft urges parents and students (of all backgrounds) to branch out. The Multicultural Affairs Department now covers students of all ethnicities, rather than hosting segregated get togethers. I find that encouraging that they are being proactive and walking the talk. Their student clubs travel the world and are pretty diversified.

Your daughter has taken your philosophy to heart will have skills and opportunities others merely dream of because she’s not afraid to think broadly about her peers. Others will have to learn their lessons the hard way, I guess.