Am I wrong to feel upset?

EmmyBet
Sun, 06 Jun 2010 18:32:48 +0000

Well…having had kids in various competitive things, especially the more subjective ones…

We do let them have a private “vent,” and a cry if they need it, and sometimes we agree things don’t make sense. Sometimes we talk things through, and it takes a little while to get to where we figure there’s some kind of vision that we just haven’t understood yet (or that things are just rotten). We’ve had to agree sometimes that there are people in charge who aren’t competent - but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re in charge. There comes a point where you either buy in or you don’t.

A parent’s voice is so powerful. Sometimes parents build their kids up too much - we’ve seen that. Sometimes a parent’s saying, “How could they not want you? You’re wonderful!” is just what the doctor ordered. Sometimes our saying that gets brushed off with “But you’re my mom - of course YOU think so.” I’ve tried everything - cheerful, nonchalant, you name it - sometimes my kids had to spell out what they needed at a given moment so I wouldn’t make them crazy saying the wrong thing.

In the long run, we get to the teaching moment. Sometimes it takes longer than others. But no tantrums, no hissy fits, and definitely NOT IN PUBLIC. She learned that all by herself, seeing how bad some kids look, and how pointless it is.

I agree that until you’ve been on all sides of it (the one who gets the part,the one who doesn’t, AND the one who has to decide) you really can’t judge completely. There’s no sadder pariah than the kid the director chose whom EVERYONE disapproves of. How sad is that (when they aren’t inherently a jerk)? My D currently is dealing with a situation where some really weird choices were made - but she figured out FAST that she will keep her mouth shut (luckily she had a whole weekend to digest it and come calmly to school). Not only is she painfully aware that she was very lucky to get a part, with many kids who have had big parts completely shut out this time, but she also knows that the kid whose casting choice she disagrees with most is probably going to direct the student-run show next spring … can’t burn any bridges there.

Phew! This is a nice place to say things. I try not to discuss it much with her - and like so many of these kids she moves on faster than I do! Thanks, everyone.