Another Grade My Essay

DoctorSalk
Sun, 13 Mar 2016 15:29:19 +0000

Hey guys, can you grade my essay? Thanks a lot and I will use your feedback to improve!

I used the Paul Bogard essay. I couldnt post it on here due to character limit, but i will provide the link to it:
https://collegereadiness.collegeboard.org/sample-questions/essay/1

Paul Bogard creates a compelling essay that persuades his audience that the dark of night should be restored to its natural state. Bogard discusses the serious repercussions of little natural light in today’s society. To convey this message more thoroughly, Bogard uses scientific evidence, connections, and rhetorical techniques to help drill the message into the audience’s heads.

By including statistical evidence, the essay is not only boosted in its legitimacy, but also in its appeal to the audience. Shocking facts, that many people probably aren’t informed about, serves as a wake-up call to the audience. “Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen…” This fact shows that there is a negative result of working in the night, and also shows the legitimacy of the evidence by stating it came from the World Health Organization. This serves to fully convince the audience that the fact is true, and the threat is serious. For the people who still don’t see the risk of having too little darkness, Bogard is happy to throw in another heart-pounding statistic. “Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main cause of ‘short sleep’ is long light…” Beautiful scenery from natural darkness, such as “night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars.” However, this is not the only thing night owls lose; they are paying with their health too. On the other hand, health and beautiful scenery aren’t the only reason to preserve natural darkness.

Personal connections are also used inside the passage to help bolster the claim. By being able to relate nightness to a personal level, the audience will feel more inclined to want more natural darkness. “Every religious tradition has considered darkness invaluable for a soulful life…” There are many people who follow religions, and Paul Bogard tactically uses the word “every” in order to appeal to all religions. He also takes advantage of the fact that religious people follow traditions, and so should follow the tradition that darkness is invaluable for a soulful life. This example successfully relates darkness to a religious level that compels the audience to not just listen, but act due to the depth of the personal connection. The parts of the audience who could care less for their health, but follow religion, have finally met their match. Now they have little choice but to heed Paul Bogard’s warning. Even with all of his facts, Bogard is not done yet, and still tries to convince the audience about the benefits of the night.

The rhetoric featured in the passage seals the deal. A powerful rhetorical question used makes the audience remember great works created because of natural darkness. “In a world awash with electric light…. How would Van Gogh have given the world his ‘Starry Night?’” Using the Starry Night as an example is brilliant because most people in the world know what it is, and more importantly, what it depicts. The question reminds the audience that it could never have been done in today’s society with rampant light pollution. At the same time, the question is saying that a painting like this can’t be done in the future due to the light pollution, potentially creating a frightening scenario where paintings, or works in general about the night, may never exist again.

Paul Bogard’s essay, “Let There Be Dark” has a simple message: preserve natural light. He uses impressive statistics, connections, and rhetorical strategies to prove his point. With his strategies, any audience would surely be convinced that we must help preserve natural darkness.

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