Anxiety and lying.

2by2
Tue, 30 Sep 2008 08:42:51 +0000

I had a counselor way back that told me that lying was for some a way of control. Controling outside events to keep everyone happy- to control discourse- or other people’s moods or approval. I was shocked at the time- because I thought I was being controled…not controlling…once I realized that I was not responsible to keep everyone happy, that I didn’t have to manipulate outside events to keep the peace- it was a tremendous burden lifted. I learned that people have bad days, say mean things and get angry and nothing I did was going to keep that from happening nor was it my job- anyhow, I think that if you can help her let go of that burden to keep up the facade of “perfection” or feeling like she has the “power” to determine someone elses joy or misery- you would help. I think of all the people who lie everyday about their weight, their age, their income, their grades, or buy houses and cars or clothes they can’t really afford to “appear” to be something “acceptable”. The bottom line is if you can help her let go of the lie of “perfectionism”, and/or that she has any control over other people’s happiness- she’ll be much healthier. Good Luck to both of you!

And I agree franglish- sometimes I think they just don’t want to deal with it so they tell you whatever will get you to bug off.