Anyone else have a child who is having a hard time making the transition?

EmmyBet
Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:31:29 +0000

I agree - one of the major challenges here is how to parent these kids. My D keeps having up and down feelings; Sunday night she was at an absolute low, and was convinced she’d have a completely horrible day Monday, and yesterday she texted me that Monday was her “best day here yet.” Even during her low mood she admitted that she’s tired of these huge swings - and I agree, since I’m tired, too. But I can see that she’s getting more and more perspective and building a lifestyle that includes things that make her happy.

The down times will still come - don’t we all remember just how unbearable certain weeks were when there were papers, tests, all kinds of judgments, maybe a social blip where a friend let you down or romance was going awry … College very much is life on a hot plate, turned either way up or way down. It’s not D’s style to “go with the flow” - in fact she actively resists this adaptive style, since it so offends her passionate nature - but she knows she’s going to have to learn to be that way at least sometimes.

She’s saving telling me about her “best day yet” until I get there Friday. That will be very wonderful.

njmom: Unless you find out something new, it seems like there is no reason for your S to stay at that school. It sounds like a case of going to a school primarily for a sport, and then the sport doesn’t work out, while the rest of the situation really never was the best fit. It happens - and moving to a better place sounds like a great solution.

jkiw: It sounds like you know your S has the inner qualities he needs to face this and solve his problems. I’m sure he’s very glad to know you are there for him, whatever he decides. And as much as we all have to be kind and supportive about a transfer (or a gap year, or a break to go to CC, travel, etc.) really most of these kids will end up finding their way at their current schools. The transition time is the rough part - hopefully we can all get past that soon!