Anyone else have a child who is having a hard time making the transition?

EmmyBet
Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:37:29 +0000

njmom - I like your idea of a rational dissatisfaction rather than an adjustment problem. I think if he is that sure he is in the wrong fit and he can transfer right away - and all of the academic and financial details line up to your satisfaction - he might as well get going. I know lots of kids who have done that, and they were very glad to get on with their lives in a better place.

I am going to visit my D this weekend. Currently she is overwhelmed and unhappy again - still, in many ways - and I will see for myself if she truly is at a bad fit or just having her own issues with college in general. If she has a “rational” justification for being dissatisfied with her life there (for whatever reasons), we’ll start talking about transferring. If I think she would just take her unhappiness with her, or if I think she’d just find new things to be unhappy with, then we’ll focus more on building connections and fixing her attitude and situation at this school.

My general feeling is that she either will decide the downsides of this school are worth making a change, or that the upsides are worth sticking out the 4 years, in which case she’ll either take steps to address the downsides or learn to work around them (by getting off campus more, doing extra study abroad, etc.). She needs a bit more time and a bit more maturity to figure out those choices. I’m very glad that she does have the strong motivation to be doing this, going to college, facing these challenges and working toward her future. I wish she saw all that as strong evidence that she is “successful.” But I have always known that she is an incredibly idealistic person and reality often clashes with her image of how things (and she herself) “should” be.