Anyone else have a child who is having a hard time making the transition?

EmmyBet
Tue, 18 Oct 2011 09:55:17 +0000

Interesting points here:

The first piece of advice my parents ever got in college admissions was from an Admissions Director at a very prominent University. He said: “Transfer, transfer, transfer.” The option of transferring exists for a reason, and while I agree that kids should be wary of deciding these things willy-nilly, it can be a very helpful process. I like it that transfer app due dates are later in the spring (often March) so they can give the second semester a really good shot. Yes, maybe there is a “waste” of energy and time (and money) for schools dealing with transfer apps that end up getting dropped, but I think the benefits to these kids are worth it.

I don’t think my D will transfer, and I doubt she even wants to. I do think that considering it and even putting in an application so she has options would be very healthy for her. I certainly wouldn’t want her to be afraid of or embarrassed by the idea of transferring, and I am making sure that she isn’t getting the message from me that she has an absolute responsibility to make this particular school “work out.” No one really knows how they’ll feel at a school until they’ve been there, and the odds are that some people will need to make a change.

amtc: Your regional observations are really interesting. I’m thinking about the kinds of things my D is unhappy about, and it’s possible some are due to cultural differences. I know you’re not accusing her or us of being Midwestern rubes or anything, but I do want to clarify in our case that my family is from the Northeast and my D has spent a lot of time out there (she was born in Massachusetts). It was a very deliberate choice for her to go there for school. There are many things she loves about the Midwest, but I don’t think she’s quite so much as fish out of water as some kids might be. She’s also Jewish, so at the risk of promoting any stereotypes she’s used to 1) a lot of fast talking with interruptions and - more seriously - 2) being “different” from most of the people around her (in fact she usually thrives on that).

She loves cities but did find out on several trips to NYC that she did not want to live IN Manhattan (Boston or pretty much anywhere else would have been OK, but the size, level of noise and intensity of downtown New York or Chicago were too much for her 24/7). Honestly Adelphi is just a little too quiet for her, although she has learned to use shuttles, trains and other rides to get more into civilization, so it’s probably the least of her problems right now.

Being in special programs at Adelphi she is with kids from all over; probably her biggest challenge in the “regional” sense is that so many people go home on weekends, but that was something she knew very well going in. And I’d say there’s a chance she misses the “Midwest nice” a bit in her dealings with some of the administrative offices, but really people at Adelphi have been incredibly nice and caring.

I went from Boston to Chicago to college and had something of the same experience your D had (I was on the south side, not at NU). Luckily some people gave me some great advice before I went, and I was deliberately seeking a different culture anyway. My whole life has been a blend of the northeast and midwest, and I think it’s a wonderful combination!