AP U.S. History DBQ

ccfan798
Thu, 07 Mar 2013 21:28:11 +0000

Although I agree that “America was forced into the war due to the blocking of U.S trade, American citizens loyalty to the war, and hatred towards Germans” is a weak thesis (albeit, for different reasons), I think that the essay as a whole is fairly well-written. First, your thesis could use improvement (it’s weird to say "was forced . . . due to the blocking of . . . "), it makes a point, states your reasons, and works for this essay. It most certainly does not need to start with a dependent clause. And these aren’t just three examples; they provide a framework for your essay. Though, you could certainly rephrase them. However, your intro and conclusion are fairly solid. The first two body paragraphs are very, very dense with information, and as such, show that you can incorporate outside information, as well as the documents (as long as you analyzed the documents correctly). Yes, the 3rd body paragraph is weak, has little support, and lacks a intro/conc. sentence. I would say the essay is around and 8, maybe a 7+.