Appropriate Expectations 4 Kids: Do You Have Any?

HisGraceFillsMe
Thu, 28 Oct 2010 16:18:09 +0000

I was blessed with my parents.

They told us from as far back as I can remember that as long as we honestly did our best, they would be happy and support us. We were expected to do homework as soon as we came home from school, or at least before we went out to play (when we were little) or go out for the night (when we got older). Dad worked nights, mom worked days, for most of my childhood so that there was always someone home with my sister and me.

They usually were fairly “hands off”. We chose our own curfew…they would ask us what time we would be home. Usually we responded “by midnight”. If it was going to be later, we were expected to call or send a text. (This was after we started driving…before, if we were going to be home late, we had to find our own way home.)

Before I would leave for school every day, my dad would tell me to “make the day my masterpiece” and mom would tell me to “make wise choices”.

My parents ALWAYS had reasonable expectations as far as school was concerned. Mom told me she wanted me to get at least a 3.0, because she knew that was what I was capable of. And I never got below a 3.0 in any semester.

Through middle school, after report cards came out, if grades were good it meant a trip to the bookstore to pick out a few new books (I couldn’t buy books as fast as I could read them).

We chose our own friends and social lives, but when we were still having “sleepovers”, again probably through middle school, if we were going to stay at their house mom and dad were expected to know who they were and who their parents were. Same as if someone was staying at our house. No sleepovers on school nights.

They let us get our ears pierced when we decided we wanted to. Later, when I was 16 and decided I wanted my nose pierced, mom gave the okay. She told me, “it’s your body, and if you don’t like it it’ll just close up.” But I had to do the research and find a good place to do it. Mom and dad did pay for it. They will not pay for the tattoo I want, and asked that I wait until I can fund it myself. No problem.

Regarding dating, we never had rules because it never came up. I do remember my mom telling me when I was pretty young, “If you want to have sex with someone that’s your business. If you want to have unprotected sex with someone, that’s MY business.”

Got it, mom.

Now, they are REALLY hands off. When I’m home, I tell them I’m going out, they tell me to have a good night and lock the door behind me when I leave and come home. I still tell them where I’m going and when I’ll be home, because it’s the courteous thing to do when I’m living in their house and driving a car that is registered to them. They never ask about grades anymore…I tell them, “hey, I just got _____ on my Psych midterm.” Fantastic. If I don’t get grades good enough to get a good student discount on my car insurance, no car at school. I pay $30 per month for the data plan on my new phone starting in November (just got the phone last week). I have a steady job this year and pay for all of my own food & gas. Mom and dad pay for everything school-related and some necessities (clothes, contact lenses, car insurance, etc.). I stay on my parents’ health insurance until I’m at least 23 (as long as I’m still a full-time student). They want to help put me through graduate school, but need a bit of a financial break first, so I will be taking at least one year off between undergrad and grad school, hopefully to do some missionary work.

I talk to my parents at the very least every other day; mom more than dad. I’m expected to answer their texts or calls when I can.

I’m very fond of my parents. They disciplined me when it was appropriate and let me learn from my mistakes. They gave me both the freedom and the boundaries I needed.