Appropriate Expectations 4 Kids: Do You Have Any?

collegeshopping
Thu, 28 Oct 2010 14:47:29 +0000

For our family, we do have some expectations for our kids, and yet we know (certainly from experience) that kids, even from the same gene pool will challenge rules and expectations based on their independent nature, not environment. The curfews we set for girls are the same for boys (much to their utter disagreement) So below are some of the collegeshopping house rules:

ALWAYS, no matter what, use kindness. Kindness will never put you in time out, revoke a reward or cause the police to be at our door (and yes, the police have been at our door…lol)

Your siblings are your family. When making a decision, always remember who will be making decisions on your behalf later in life if it comes to that. Hurting, stealing from or being evil to a sibling will never have a good outcome. (Some of my older boys…they know this one well.)

Giving back to others is important. We ask that when our kids that are old enough they volunteer at least 200 hours per year. We don’t just ask them. We show them. Some family vacations from the outside are for the benefit of others, but what we get back cannot be documented. Community service issued by court order does not apply to the 200 family obligation hours (yes, we have done this too)

Your room is your domain, but your domain is inside of my domain, so really, it is my domain also and I am kindly asking that we never qualify for an episode of hoarders. Yes, our kids living at home make their own beds, pick up their own stuff and have one major family chore/responsibility. Me, I do all laundry, because I am picky that way. If you don’t want to do your chore, you have choices…sell it to a sibling, trade it with a sibling, but it not getting done is not optional.

I don’t yell at you, and my expectation is that you don’t yell at me. I can tell you that you **** me off at a moderate decibel level at 60 just as well as 100. No 100 required. Everyone deserves the time to gather themselves emotionally, so if you don’t want to have this conversation right now, then say so. But you only get an hour.

Omission is lying. Lying is not an option. Don’t omit, don’t lie. My older kids have my back on this one. They tell the younger ones that I have radar. (And I swear I do) They make it very clear that they cannot recall one time where a lie was successful with me. (maybe at first…but I usually smell it a mile away) I live by trust but verify. Do not walk in the door and tell me your school day was “fine” when you got an 68 on a major exam. Fess up. Do you not think I will see this on the school’s website tomorrow? Anything lower than 85 needs to be disclosed before I see it in black and white. Really…it is just easier that way.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you chose to game, facebook, text, talk on the phone, watch tv, etc, all evening, your school work will suffer an equal amount. Manage your time. If you don’t manage your time, I will manage it for you. You want to game…that’s cool. The price for gaming is completion of assignments in your backpack. And no, I don’t have to look in your backpack to verify homework. I just have to look in your eyes when I ask you. Gaming is a reward. Push me, and the consoles will not be here tomorrow. (I know, I’ve done it)

So yes, not all parents are hands off parents. But I don’t consider myself heli either. I consider myself a tour guide. PREPARE THE CHILD FOR THE PATH, NOT THE PATH FOR THE CHILD. Say that over and over and over again. It is written everywhere in my house. It is not my job to do major school projects. It is my job to make sure my kids have what they need to complete them.

Every single one of my children have made major mistakes. What kids don’t? But at the end of the day, they know we have their backs. I have bitten the tongue a time or two, my gut telling me what my mind can’t wrap itself around, but my kids have to be able to make choices on their own, knowing there is consequence to certain behaviors.