Appropriate Expectations 4 Kids: Do You Have Any?

paperplane
Thu, 28 Oct 2010 14:32:34 +0000

I’m pretty old-school when it comes to expectations.
My children were/are (one out of the nest) expected to do their best at school, to do chores, to be respectful of others. When they were young, I supervised their playdates. Then I supervised and checked their schoolwork. I made sure they didn’t watch too much TV. Or eat too much candy. Is this the sort of thing you mean?

As they grew older, I was much less involved in those sorts of things. You might even call me ‘hands-off’, though we do eat a family dinner most nights, and spend leisure time together. Through high-school, they have a curfew. They choose their own friends and social lives, and I only get involved in school work now if they ask for my advice.

My overarching goal in parenting has always been to prepare my kids to think on their own and to have solid values instilled in them to help guide them after they were old enough to be making decisions independently.

Kids mature at different rates. It is up to the parents to gauge when they are ready to ‘fly solo’; that ‘flying’ also is best done a little at a time. Successful ‘flights’ and crash-and-burn failures both teach kids how to get along on their own.

The references to kids who have had troubles and are quitting school, etc–may or may not be from the parenting. I’ve seen kids in the same family, raised by the same rules, where one always had to learn everything the hard way. Some people are just like that. As parents, I feel my job is to love my kids for who they are. To give them the benefit of lots of love always, and to begin letting them fly the plane as teenagers, so they will be fine when they are on their own.