BAD Visit, Need to Vent

paying3tuitions
Thu, 07 Apr 2011 04:39:28 +0000

If S doesn’t want to attend, then the family’s association with this school is obviously at an end, except for negative feedback evaluation to the school, if the Dad so chooses. Plus, it’s been a good vent, an illuminating thread on CC for others to consider and learn. That has value, too.

Does S still want to attend? OP said it had been high on the S’s list before this bad visit. The school had other merits. If so, then there’s a family dilemma.

I have much empathy for that, as I have a college-smart h.s. sophomore nephew with Aspergers Syndrome and I wonder about his life if he goes to college. My daughter-in-law teaches younger children with various forms of autism. She recounts how she breaks down and interprets/decodes social situations for her clients. It’s not easy! The thought of them going out into the world is daunting.

IF the family wants to still consider that school, THEN a revisit on Admitted Students Day might redeem the school. And I’d imagine a discussion, family style, about how that the recent Thursday visit and Admitted Students Day would represent two opposite data points (also a Spectrum, I suppose).

Is this the right time to discuss with the S that the lonelier Thursday visit is what some college days might feel like (there and anywhere) if he doesn’t on his own behalf to speak up and correct situations. Doing that will be a great challenge for him, so my heart goes out for him there. As for Admitted Students Day, he might understand that is like the college giving you its best, throwing everyone a big birthday party - which won’t happen on any real day but shows all the people-filled choices available to him if he wants to pursue a few of them once he gets to college.

Once a student has been oriented and adjusts to campus life after some weeks’ time, that NO day will feel as odd as this recent Thursday visit, but no day as delightful/easy/set=up as Admitted Students day.

Someday, when he’s on campus === any campus == he’ll have to work hard and patiently to take a few risks until he knows his way around, has his routes and routines in place, and has made a few buddies which he WILL do if he games, since so many guys do. He has to push himself along that spectrum. Others will also be working to fit themselves in, so he’s not absolutely alone in that.

Clearly, the OP is disappointed and frustrated about what was promised by Admissions by phone, since it was pre-arranged. I could be barking up the wrong tree here, but I’m reminded of several earnest, heartfelt and persuasive people in my family. They tell people by phone exactly what they need, and their needs seem reasonable to them. On the other end of the phone, some clerk wants to please, or nods in defeat, saying, “We’ll do our best.” But that’s not arranging or guaranteeing anything. It’s a source of misunderstandings, repeatedly. Only you were there to know, but I did wonder about that piece.

Wishing you and family the best. Whether it is a vent/rant as your title said, or still an open question of interest in the school, makes a big difference.