Barnard - Social Scene and Academics?

calmom
Thu, 17 Jul 2014 20:53:22 +0000

Octothorpe, that guy you dated sounds like a total jerk. The Columbia grads that are part of my d’s social circle are very different. The guy she is with is an absolute sweetheart. I never hear him making derogatory comments about anyone. Generally even someone doesn’t say bad things to your face, you can get a sense of what they are like. I’ve always avoided the type of people who are always the source of negative gossip or always berating others in our social circle when I am with them, because my first thought was always, “if this is what X says about Y when X is with me, I wander what X is saying about me when X is with Y?” But there are people like that everywhere. It’s not a Columbia thing – it’s just that if someone at Columbia happens to be a jerk, that’s what the person might say. In another context he’d find something equally derogatory and disrespectful to say about the women he dates. The point isn’t that he made the comment about Barnard – the worse thing is that he viewed dating as an opportunity to “take advantage” of someone.

You wrote:

I guess I’m just kind of a partier and I’m not that into clubs and things like that so I haven’t really found that scene on campus outside of greek life. I’m not as serious or driven as other students and I’m more into learning for the sake of learning without any specific career goal, and that’s obviously not the vibe on campus



I agree that neither Barnard nor Columbia is a good fit for someone who is looking for more of a campus party scene. My d. was there for the academics – she also found the overall college social environment lacking, but she had friends all over the city and at other colleges as well. I do think the academics are Barnard are intense and the school is best for students who are strongly driven and independent - though with the resources at Barnard that drive could be just about anything.

I’m thinking that you might have met a different element from Columbia if you were going to frat parties and looking for that sort of thing. My d avoided frat parties because she did see that as a place where women were putting themselves in a very vulnerable position, with the level of drinking going on.

There hasn’t been much of a change in terms of the internet and social media over the past 8 years – that big revolution came a little earlier, but this forum has been around going back at least to 2004. So you really can’t blame that. I’m sure there is the same overall mix of students.

I made the comment about my daughter doing “guy” things simply because my d. has always had male friends she hangs out with – not guys she is dating, just friends – and I’ve always seen her socialize based on the interests of her friends. That is, she has broad interests and a very broad circle of friends - so she might go to a ball game with a friend who likes baseball, and go to an art museum with a different friend who likes art galleries. It’s just that she probably wouldn’t make a statement like, “my interests don’t align with others” - I think she has many different interests and an internal mental catalog of which people in her life share various different interests.

My d. found a very strong support network at Barnard for academics and career – with the advising system, her close relations with faculty, and the career center. I don’t think she was looking for a social support network.

I agree with you that I wouldn’t recommend any school in NYC for students looking for a college social life more centered around campus.