Berkeley Appeals Letter - SOB story??

Camille
Fri, 09 May 2008 16:34:57 +0000

Hey guys -

I’m appealing to Berkeley by the encouragement of one of my former professors at my community college. So I composed the appeals letter, and I’ve mentioned before on this board that 2 weeks ago, a friend that was going to Berkeley passed away unexpectedly.

So the letter does include information about that, but I wrote about this because not only is it a big change in what was presented on my original app, but also because I feel like I owe it to my friend to, in a sense, live her dream for her. She really wanted me to go to Berkeley and major in English with her, but now that she’s gone, I feel really indebted to her. So below is my actual letter, and I hope you all can give me some feedback as to whether you believe it is sincere and appropriate, or if it really is too much of a sob story.

The 2 professors I’ve shown it to have mixed feelings. 1 says that she thought it was very touching, but that it was a pity case. My other prof said that I should provide more detail about the professors on the campus (because I talked about the “stellar faculty” @ Berk) and give specifics as to how the faculty is “stellar”, like read one of their books or something and talk about how it’s influential.

Anyway, I appreciate any feedback you guys might have.

Recently, a friend with whom I was becoming very close passed away. She was a Berkeley student, and was constantly telling me that when I transferred, to come to Cal. Like myself, she was an English major. When discussing where to transfer, we both were enthusiastic about Berkeley’s prestigious English department. When she was admitted and started her first semester this last spring, she affirmed the prestige of the department to me, frequently telling me about her extremely knowledgeable professors many of whom were products of Ivy League schools. Knowing that I had applied for this coming fall, I was intrigued by what my friend had told me about Berkeley and was greatly anticipating joining her in studying the English language, as well as working with a stellar faculty at the campus.

Unfortunately, when her family informed me of her passing, I could not and still do not believe that she is really gone.I shared a eulogy about her life with her family at her funeral, and many of my reflections of my time spent with her revolved around the topic of Cal. She was so excited to have been accepted, and her studies were certainly her first priority. She loved to talk about how lively the campus was. She said that the sights and sounds were a great inspiration for writing, a future pursuit that we had in common with each other.

No one expects a person who is so young to leave the world so suddenly, especially not a young person with so much ambition. In her passing, the only positive thing I can say that I have taken from the experience is that I have been more able to focus on and appreciate the vast compassion she had for life, and thus, I have been able to think of how to use the example she set as a template for my own life. And now that she is gone, I feel the most important thing I could possibly do to express my gratitude toward her for being such a committed and loyal friend, would be to go to Cal and continue where she left off.

Attending UC Berkeley would be my tribute to her memory. I feel confident that if I am granted the chance to attend Berkeley, that the opportunities available to students on the campus, such as clubs and organizations that promote altruism and unity, will give me many ideas and ways to contribute to her memory. She was an avid animal lover, proponent of Hilllary Clinton’s campaign, and community activist. I am motivated to become more involved with programs that emphasize these idealisms, because they are areas of life that I know she was deeply concerned about, and I want to promote their causes not just for her sake, but for the sake of future generations, as well as myself and the fostering of my own personal beliefs.

To conclude, I’d like to bring up a favorite quote of my friend’s that I have pondered more and more since her untimely death: “Dream like you will live forever, and live like you will die today.” This is exactly how she lived her life, so maybe there is some consolation to the fact that she did not live with regret or despair. She worked hard, and was happy, knowing that she was getting closer and closer to her goals everyday. This quote reminds me that life is delicate, so I should appreciate the preciousness of the things that go right for me, and see auspicious moments as leading up to something promising. I see Cal as a place that promotes, and through its incredibly diverse and bright student body and faculty, really symbolizes auspicion and promise. It would be an absolute honor for me to be amongst such a prodigious universe of people in continuing work toward my degree, and if I am allowed the opportunity to attend, I will know that the gateway to my success is absolutely certain.

Thank you