Best Lines from American Pageant

kcr91
Sat, 07 Jun 2008 12:15:06 +0000

Now that APs and SAT 2s are done, I thought I’d celebrate by publicizing all the fun American Pageant has given me this past year. To its credit, AP tries to be interesting…but horrible writing sometimes gets in its way. Below I have compiled a list of the lines that kept me awake during long hours of study, rolling in laughter during study hall, and (occasionally) dumb-stuck with disbelief. To the lines, to the laughter, to the American Pageant!

(Feel free to add your own awesome lines.)

(About Hemingway) “A troubled soul, he finally blew his brains out with a shotgun blast in 1961.” (p 766)

(About the Hitler-Stalin pact) “It was plain as the mustache on Stalin’s face that the wily Soviet dictatorwas plotting to turn his German accomplice against the Western democracies.” (p 832)

(About Teddy Roosevelt) “…he loved people and mingled with those of all ranks, from Catholic cardinals to professional prizefighters, one of whom blinded a Rooseveltian eye in a White House bout.” (p 672)

(About the U2 affair) “The COncord of Camp David was replaced with teh grapes of wrath.” (p 924)

And my aboslute FAVORITE, involving mixed metaphors, incorrect analogies (because vegetables are usually kept in cellars, not fruits) and a heckuva long sentence:

(About the Spanish-AMerican War) “Enthusiam over these triumphs made easier the rush dwon the thory path of empire. America did not start the war with imperialistic motives, but after falling through the cellar door of imperialsim in a drunked fit of idealism, it wound up with imperialistic and colonial fruits in its grasp.”

I LOVE THE AMERICAN PAGEANT! List your favorite parts below.