Brother ran away! Help.

oldfort
Sun, 04 May 2008 12:39:54 +0000

I did exactly what your brother did when I was his age. I left because, in my view, my father was being unreasonably strict with me. He told me it was his way or I could live on my own. There was no abuse in my family, just very intense teenager/parents issues. It didn’t help that my parents were first generation immigrants and I was trying to fit in.

It was the Spring of my senior year. I was accepted to an expensive LAC and my father was going to pay for it. When I left, I took him literally that I was on my own, therefore I couldn’t afford the LAC on my own. I immediately applied to our state school and got a full ride (I didn’t ask someone else to cosign my loan). I was very fortunate to have a teacher from my HS to take me in. I was out of the house for a little bit over a month. While I was out of the house, I never let my grades drop and continued to go to my part time job.

My dad gained a lot of respect for me because he realized that I was a responsible 18 year old. He thought my world would fall apart without his support. I didn’t know at the time, but when my parents found out where I was staying they started giving the teacher some money for my stay. My mother was the go between for my father and I. My siblings also told me how much they missed me. At the end I was very happy to come home, but it was after my father and I negotiated new ground rules. This experience did not ruin my relationship with my parents, as a matter of fact I think it made it better - my parents had a lot more respect for me as an adult, and I realized how much they loved me (very hard for my dad to say he was sorry).

OP - I think there must be a lot more going on between your brother and your parents than just which college to go to, or those adults wouldn’t be sticking their necks out for your brother. It is very drastic for your mother to take down your brother’s bed. I think the best thing you could do for your brother now is to tell him that you love him no matter what. I could imagine how lonely your brother must feel right now. It’s never easy to make the decision to leave home. It’s up to your parents to resolve this with your brother, and I hope they will. Your brother needs your support and understanding.