BS experience vs. parental guidance

ExieMITAlum
Tue, 13 Mar 2012 22:23:36 +0000

My perspective (the parents above have the pros and cons pretty well covered).

Yes I miss my kid. It was harder because she was an age younger than her peers when she left. Yes it was hard to pass by her empty room. Or go weeks without hearing from her because we were close. I miss out on things like helping her get ready for a prom, or wondering which boy she might be crushing on. Or looking over her shoulder to help with homework.

But what I got back - was joy watching her growing independence and then navigating back to me once she got her bearings. Her telling me not to give advice because she’s calling me to vent so she won’t do it with a teacher, then watching her work it out. I love Skyping and watching her giggle as dorm mates come in to raid her snack drawer, I love listening to her during holidays while she goes through every picture in the school directory and tells me stories about the kids and the faculty. And I love how much she’s grown. She misses us too and doesn’t take the relationship for granted. Our relationship is actually stronger because of the situation.

Some fret about “not being there” during these critical times. But imagine my situation which got more intense when D was accepted to a year abroad. So holidays became Skype sessions - even then I gained a friend as I became Facebook friends with her host mom and learned to communicate with a translator program in a separate window. I broadened my horizons and found ways to fill my free time (including lots of dates with the hubby) and we learned to fill the void and silence with joy. When she comes home we don’t sweat the small stuff (messy room) and learn that those hugs feel so much more intense after the prolonged absence.

I learned that by letting her go, I got back so much more and she gained so much more in return. That’s our story. Not necessarily the same for other people. But we told our children when they went away for college, we wanted it to be far enough away that they couldn’t come home every weekend (as many of our neighbor’s children do). Only with the youngest - that happened at high school instead of college.

Exeter and Lawrenceville are two different animals and one is not necessarily better than the other. Choose based on where the student FITS best. Trust me - those first few months are brutal, the grading scale is insanely inflexible, and when the stress is on - ultimately the student has to know, deep down, they still chose wisely.

Not reputation. Not prestige.

FIT.

Good luck.