Can somebody score my essay?

RHSclassof16
Sat, 06 Dec 2014 02:10:32 +0000

Prompt: Is a conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power?

Essay
Conscience is a more powerful motivator than fame, money and power. Guilt is a very powerful human emotion, even more powerful than greed because it can more easily consume your life. In my experiences I have seen myself how my conscience has kept me from doing unethical things and I have witnessed examples from others what course of action they would take as a result of their conscience.

When I was little I got into a big fight with my brother. I was so furious that I was going to destroy the leftover dog toy that he kept to remember his recently deceased dog. Just hen I was about to dispose of the toy a large feeling of guilt fell over me and I couldn’t bring myself to actually go through with it. The feeling of guilt I had then was more powerful of a feeling than I have ever experienced.

Another experience of where guilt kept me from doing something was hen I was at reccess in elementary school and I found a gameboy advance laying in the grass and there was nobody close enough to see me take it, so I did. As I began to walk away afterwards I had another immense feeling of guilt; I took the gameboy to the lost and found. My feeling of guilt overpowered my desire for material possessions which is wealth for a third grader.

I saw the feeling of guilt motivate my sister like nothing else. One day my brother, her and I were home alone and she accidently broke a piece of glasswear my mom had inherited from her late mother. (My Grandmother) My sister felt so horrible that she immediately confessed as soon as my mother got home and offered to do extra chores as compensation and to buy her a similar glasswear. I have never seen my sister behave in such a way with the exception of that day.

A person’s conscience is so powerful because guilt never passes. It kept me from doing wrong and motivated my sister to make a wrong right. Guilt has always motivated me more than any money, fame or power has.


Can somebody or several people please take a look at my essay and tell me what you think that would get if that was the real SAT? And possibly make any additional comments to it. Thanks.