Can someone please grade my essay and give me a few pointers?

chewydog
Tue, 30 Sep 2014 23:58:53 +0000

I don’t give numerical scores; While I know the grading rubric rather well, I prefer to give pointers to places that can use improvement:


Get rid of the I’s, me’s, and my’s. The reader knows this essay is your opinion. Mentioning things such as “according to me” weakens your argument.
You have some grammatical errors. These aren’t a huge issue when you’re rushed for time, but try your best not to have too many (i.e. save a minute or two at the end to proofread). For practice, go over your essay and spot these errors. This practice will benefit you on the Writing MC as well.
Your last paragraph is confusing. Are you trying to introduce another piece of evidence? If so, then you ought to actually expand upon that piece of evidence. I currently get the impression that you tried to mash some idea with a conclusion, which turned out to be successful for neither parts of an essay.
Emphasize your stance by analyzing your example further. Yes, you give great information regarding this politician, but explicitly tie back to the prompt. Shove it in the reader’s face that this evidence is clearly support for your argument (again, without I’s/me’s/my’s).
Have at least 2 pieces of evidence per essay, preferably from different categories (e.g. current news/modern events and historical example or literary example).


There’s a couple more things that raise some concern, but these five are the main ones. Good luck and I hope to see your improvement! Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification if you need it.