College applications: What I've learned as a parent the second time around

Nhatrang
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 13:54:27 +0000

My first one is very stubborn and extremely independent. She did everything by herself without ever needing me to “tell her”. Everything rom selecting school lists to essay topics, signing up for testings, taking a ton of APs, application deadlines, letter of recommendations, etc. and etc.

Doing a lot of program/project management at work, it was sort of my nature and i tried to do the same thing with her but i got put right where i belong, which was VERY hard for me. I felt so useless and helpless. I wanted to be part of the process but she didn’t want any input from me. She shared her thoughts or decisions AFTER she has vetted out all the options, hubby would give feedback here and there and he was so good at talking to her. I only read her essays right before she submitted, just so i know what’s going on, but not for feedback.

She told me, mom you don’t need to “manage” me like you do with your employees. She was right, but last year with the college application process was probably the most difficult year for me. And it didn’t need to be that way. I should not be worrying about anything because she was on top of everything. It may not be done “yesterday” like i wanted but she submitted high quality applications way before the deadlines.

When the results came in, we didn’t even know what her top choice would be. She kept a low profile on her attitude with schools. She applied to 12 schools total: mostly T20, a couple of ivies, and a couple of safeties. She said if all she got was Penn State (her safety) she would be very happy going there. She got accepted to 10 out of 12. One after another she was happy to get the acceptance but her happiness seemed to be “equal” for those schools, we were so puzzled at which school she would chose, until UCB decision came and she called her best friend and did the dance and sing “I got to Berkeley I got to Berkeley”, we knew then that that’s where she is going. Not our top choice but it was her decision.

Anyways, sorry for a wall of text. But yeah, i did not handle myself well with my first child at all. I didn’t do much for her or impact her process in anyway, but I am sure everyone could feel my anxiety in the room.

My next child, which is 4 years from now, I promise myself, and my husband that will enjoy watching the process from the sideline and just be thankful that the kiddo knows what he is doing.