College Visit-Uncomfortable w/ Activities

carolyn
Fri, 23 Nov 2007 17:32:25 +0000

A few thoughts, if I might.

I agree with Garland - sometimes the most “alternative” schools are ones where there is more acceptance of individual differences, including the decision not to indulge in things that make you uncomfortable. My daughter attends such a school. She’s encountered lots of shenanigans at her school, very similar to what the OP described. Yet, she herself hasn’t felt any pressure whatsoever to do drugs, drink, or strip down naked. She says the general reaction when she declines whatever is, “that’s cool.” She actually has several friends at this school who are pretty conservative and quite religious (my daughter is neither) and they are accepted as well.

Second, my daughter hosts prospies several times a month. She says that quite often they prospies get antsy when she suggests activities on campus that don’t involve parties, sex, drinking, or drugs. THEY are the ones asking for these things, and seeking them out (she has several amusing stories of prospies getting away from her, and having to track them down to protect them from rather compromising situations).

I couldn’t agree more with the folks who said it is really an individual thing. My husband attended a VERY conservative and religious school way back when - so conservative that co-ed dancing wasn’t allowed. Trust me. He found PLENTY of ways to circumvent the rules, and do more than dance with the opposite sex. By the same token, my daughter is a pretty straight-edged kind of kid - she’s found plenty of like minded folks at her college, and has had a darned good time to boot.

So, it really depends on the individual. Kids looking for wildness will find it, no matter where you plunk them down. Kids who aren’t looking for it, will manage to avoid it, no matter where you plunk them down.

By the way, it sounds like the OP’s daughter and my son did overnights at the same school (Emeraldcty, you know the one). I can’t say for sure if my son attended a clothing optional movie when he was on campus, but he sure did like the fire dancing and managed to get home without burning off his pants. :)

Finally, one more piece of advice. I actually didn’t come up with this idea - my daughter did. When she did overnights at schools she asked the admissions offices to pair her up with hosts who weren’t partiers so she could get a realistic sense of what it would be like to be a non-partier on campus. Most of the schools hard a hard time with this, but not the one that she now attends. That alone convinced her that it would be an OK place for her individually, as did having a really great and offbeat time with the non-partiers she was paired up with. Sometimes those non-partiers do the wildest things. But, more importantly, it is ALWAYS a good idea to ASK before you drop your kid off for an overnight what the school’s policies on such things are, and, let your kid know that if they do feel uncomfortable, that they can call and you’ll come get them.