College Visit-Uncomfortable w/ Activities

mootmom
Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:28:09 +0000

Jolynne Smyth, I have a youngish teen who is a freshman this year. I was very worried inside about his “first foray into the big world”, try as I did to keep that hidden (ha). His eyes were opened very quickly at college to the larger “drinking culture”; he told me early on he’d thought in high school that only “losers” got drunk all the time, but now he was seeing kids he liked who were otherwise smart and doing well in class also getting rip-roaring drunk. I think he was not expecting it. (Comments from him like, “Why do kids go to college if all they want to do is drink?” made me think he was even more naive than I’d assumed.) Despite all my fears (he can be easily swayed and highly impulsive), he turned into the “den mother” in his suite, keeping order and keeping noise down and reminding everyone to be responsible. When he’s away they tend to go wild, though, and have received some disciplinary actions as a result. So he’s started to leave the suite as soon as he sees a party ramping up. He actually told me, “I took your advice and started hanging out with some other people who don’t get in as much trouble.” He likes his suite-mates, and even respects them, but decided he doesn’t want to be part of the drinking. (“I told them once I was just going to go elsewhere and play video games and they told me I was a party pooper and I said, ‘Eh, whatever,’ and I just left.”) I told him that I’m proud of him: not because I think he steadfastly shouldn’t party. But because he decided what he did and didn’t want, and then stood up for it.

So this is just a long anecdotal way of saying that your son might surprise you. I never would have expected it of mine, but he’s found his own way, and yours likely will, too. I’ll hold good thoughts.