Common App Essay Critique?

kitter
Mon, 05 Oct 2015 13:08:48 +0000

Hi, I’m applying to a communications school so it’s crucial that I do well on this essay. I chose the prompt about failures. Thanks for the help!

I once believed that I was doomed to live the life of an intellectually driven girl in a family of sports enthusiasts. Little did I know, these circumstances would be my inspiration to enter the world of writing. I was not awakened to my passion for writing and the arts until I was ten, so my childhood was filled with several fruitless attempts to impress my family with athletic skills I did not possess.

At the tender age of eight, I decided to try my hand at soccer. One of the highlights of my childhood was staying up past my bedtime to watch my mom play. I enjoyed watching my mom play and I wanted her to feel the same way about me. That desire would fester within me and lead to the ultimate arousal of my creative talents.
Two weeks of practicing had led up to the day of my first game in early spring. The feeling of the wind biting at my cheeks and the frost glazed grass under my cleats will forever be ingrained in my memory. It was a day of momentous opportunity, a day I would finally impress my mom like she had impressed me.

The first half the game was uneventful, so I knew that I had to persevere as I finally entered the field. The referee blew his whistle and the ball was off in my direction. In my head, I was the star of a sports movie, racing down the field dribbling the ball swiftly with my feet. I broke through the barrier of the team’s other players and kicked the ball with the power of a million exploding suns. The ball sliced through the grass and hit the net of the goal with ease. I turned towards the crowd to take in the cheers and excitement of my play, only to make eye contact with the other team’s goalie on the opposite end. My magnificent goal had just scored the other team a point that would contribute to their victory.

I did everything in my power to train and understand the game, although it felt as if I was grasping at straws. I finished two seasons, ending each one with a bitter taste in my mouth and failure weighing down my shoulders. I decided to turn away from something that was never going to live up to the impossible expectations I had set for myself, and that was when I first put pen to paper.
My English teacher had been the one to introduce to me to the incredible realm of creative writing. I had been searching for a passion that could satisfy my hunger for something I could be proud of. As soon as I began scribbling down my ramblings, I discovered that I had truly found something I loved. If I had never come to terms with my failure in the athletic department, I would have never discovered my gift for writing.

Equipped with a pencil and paper, I have a blank canvas at my fingertips, ready to be filled with my animated ideas and dreams. I can create worlds and draw people with an entire story full of depth and emotion.
There is no failure in writing. A misconception in a story can be woven into an entirely new and unpredictable plot point. The realization that a certain aspect of a story can open my eyes to entirely new ideas. Mistakes are opportunities with the possibility to branch out into millions of new ideas, each one ready at my fingertips to be spun into a spectacular piece of art. I can put my heart and soul into my writing. I have the ability to translate my emotions onto a piece of paper.

I don’t believe in being blinded by my mistakes. I take them and transform them anew. That is not something you can do with soccer.