Common App Essay Critique?

wisteria100
Mon, 05 Oct 2015 18:16:35 +0000

Very well written and you paint a vivid portrait of yourself.
I would however change the last line. Learning from mistakes is something you can certainly do with soccer/team sports. Ending that way also sounds a bit negative.
Nice flow to the essay - the only part that was a bit hard to follow was the part about staying up late to watch your mom play. Is staying up late integral to watching her play? Where did she play? A little more clarification in that section could help. You may also want to expand the section on your passion for writing because that is the part of you that you really want to shine thru. Right now you write more about soccer than writing.
Otherwise very nicely done.