Considering "Fairness" When Paying Sibling College Costs

ReturningFavor
Tue, 17 May 2016 14:06:27 +0000

Glad to see this thread as I am in a similar situation, but contending with several children spanning 10+ years apart!

Son 1 chose an Ivy and we are paying a good bit. It hurts, but we are making it. He works his tail off to help bring down the costs, including being an RA to eliminate all room and some board. He earns all his own spending money.

Daughter 1 chose a full ride and turned down and Ivy and some top LACs. She works her tail off to maintain that scholarships. We are paying almost nothing during the academic year (even her books are covered), but have given her help to travel abroad in the summer and do an unpaid internship. Still, she is costing us substantially less than Son1. We do wonder whether we should plan on giving her $ toward graduate school.

Both are where they want. He LOVES wearing his Ivy gear and feels a sense of pride in accomplishment with it, and does like the school and the bright student body. She loves her school, honors program, a diversity of student levels and lack of financial stress.

We also have 2 more soon to be heading to college, and then a couple bringing up the rear. I see no way to be ‘equal’’ with these kids, but do want to be ‘fair’.

I will say, my younger ones (high schoolers close to college age) feel that their sister made the better decision, given the opportunities she has had and the lack of stress financially on her shoulders and the vibe of her school. So, in the end they may choose to make very, very affordable choices that will mean for them no loans and some wiggle room in the summers. But if not, how much to ‘help’? Obviously, it will be impacted but what we CAN do (we will not take out parent plus loans as we have great state schools as an option) realistically.