Contact with Your Boarder: Frequency and Method

classicalmama
Fri, 17 Aug 2012 13:11:49 +0000

I agree with the school and Choatie Mom about letting her determine when to call (mostly)–but then, my kid still calls to check in almost every day, usually on his way to or from something, and I know we miss it when he doesn’t call–his dad probably more than me at this point. Honestly, though, when things are going well, there’s not much to say. We’ve never set up a specific time to call–that seems a bit awkward–but I’d definitely ask her to call once or twice a week when it works best for her–if you find she’s not already doing that.

I know this isn’t exactly what you want, and others might see this as too helicoptery, but I think that if you really miss her, a cheery, short, once-a-day email with an encouraging thought or funny story or photo from home would be fine and might help you feel connected. Whether they tell us or not, I think teenagers really like getting those positive messages from parents. And if she’s busy, she can ignore it or send you to a Mom folder!

I’d be more hesitant about calling or texting a lot. We hardly ever call because I’m always worried about interrupting something important. I do text if I have a specific question that needs a quick, immediate response–but more often, I try to keep a list of questions to ask or things to tell him next time we talk. Making that list helps me feel more connected without being a pain in the neck, and gives us some specific stuff to talk about too.

For the record, I don’t think you’re helicoptering. It’s hard to let go of that day to day check in, and in our experience it’s a good thing when it happens naturally. My second son–a very open, friendly, huggy kind of guy-- is making noise about going to boarding school now, and I’m really feeling torn about it as I know he won’t call as often as his brother…something he readily admits is true. We won’t stop him if that’s what he really wants…but I’m suggesting all sorts of alternatives. :-)

And I agree with creative about the cards and packages–always welcome, though it’s a good idea to let them know so the cookies don’t get stale! I’ll gradually fill a care package over a week or two with little things from home, and it’s another thing that makes me feel like I’m staying in touch.