Could Someone Grade My Practice SAT Essay (3)?

dirtysocks45
Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:44:27 +0000

First off, you don’t need the second sentence. You need to prove why your view is a fact through your essay not explicitly state it. Furthermore, “the world would be a different place” is an elementary reason and should be avoided unless you can show how it would be a different place. In that case you would cross out “the world would be a different place,” and write, for example, “the world would be less imaginative, inspiring, and overall enjoyable.” Moreover, I know this is nit-picky, but in the last sentence in the intro, substitute “in this period” for “during this period.” It just sounds better for me, but it’s not that big a deal.

In your first example, first sentence, cross out “is what” because it is unnecessary and wordy. You need to get out of the habit of using unnecessary, additional clauses. In the second example, for the concluding sentence, say “Without creativity during the Renaissance, the world would be a darker place aesthetically…” The reason I say this is because without that addition, it sounds like a sentence that belongs in the concluding paragraph rather than in the concluding sentence of the second example.

At the end, I would combine “In today’s world of economic stagnation, creativity is not only necessary to revive the global economy, but also to inspire people and to brighten up the world with novel ideas and works.”

Furthermore, it has been shown that essay length correlates strongly with scores, so if you still have half a page left, then go ahead and add a third example. If you find that you are running out of time, then have a collection of examples that you can utilize on any essay so that you don’t half to waste time thinking about what examples you are going to use.

Again, however, your examples and use of language-- vocabulary, style-- are all fantastic and really prove you are a great writer. Sadly, to get a perfect score on the SAT essay, one has to be formulaic and practice using fast-written, previously manufactured examples due to the time constraints.