Could you grade my essay? :)

Guille19
Sun, 21 Oct 2012 13:22:16 +0000

Good evening CC!
I would appreciate if anyone could grade my essay.
I think I’ve improved a little.

Here it is:

Prompt: Is the opinion of the majority-in government or in any other circumstances-a poor guide?

"In the past and in the present, many people have lived according to what the majority of people says, taking their word as absolute.
However, this is a terrible and falacious mistake. The opinion of the majority is a very poor guide in most of the cases.
You can see this through various examples in history and culture.

First, we have the case of Galileo. Galileo was a scientist who proposed that the sun was at the center of the solar system. However, by that time, the people sticked to the mores of the society that stated that the Earth was at the center of the solar system.
Since this was the opinion of the majority of people, Galileo was seen as a stupid being whose ideas were not true.
This made the society to ignore and outcast Galileo for being a lier, were in reality Galileo was right, as it was proved later in history.

We have another example in the book: “The Old Man and the Sea”.
In this story, people considered Santiago to be an unlucky, old man who should not even be trying to fish.
Santiago decided that he was going to prove them wrong, and in fact he did, but could not demonstrate it at the end.
He went on a voyage in his own boat and he caught a fish twice the size of the boat.
This proves that, even for an old man, nothing can be impossible.
He was not unlucky and he still had the strenght to caught a fish that big, despite being old, refuting the opinion of the majority of people.

A last importnt fact is the status of women.
The opinion of the majority of people surmised that women are weak, and that their position is to be a housewife.
But as time passed, this was eventually proved wrong.
This can be seen in the movie of “Mulan”.
The same opinion of women is held here. However, Mulan, to defend her father’s honor, disguised herself as a male soldier and went to fight, and she was the most adroit soldier of the chinese military.
Indirectly, the movie shows us that women are capable of doing things, perhaps better, that are supposed to be done only by men.

All these examples serve to explain that, unless you cannot prove wrong, the opinion of the majority of people is a poor guide.
The best way to know when something is right is to prove it yourself."

I think I lack these:


I don’t develop well my examples; they aren’t very coherent.
Diction problems.


Please, I need advice. You can make an international student go to college with your advice.
If I’m okay, then say it and why.
If I suck, then say it and why.

I appreciate it.
Thank you.