Critique my essay

River_Phoenix
Sun, 21 Nov 2004 03:28:11 +0000

Nice essay. No need to include anything like your interest in number theory here, it sounds like you’re being too academically oriented, there’s place for that elsewhere in the application. Just be unique.

Also, the first paragraph can definitely be shortened, to just a couple of short sentences. It sort of threw me, and its sort of overwritten and somewhat too dramatic.

Definitely get rid of these lines:
“My friends, beside me, pedal furiously in an attempt to reach the bottom first. I know I can beat them.”
What do they add?

For what it’s worth, IGTMIT