Daughter afraid - need advice

MichaelNKat
Tue, 11 Dec 2012 16:08:24 +0000

My 23 year old daughter had a not dissimilar experience but in a different context. She works as a personal trainer and spinning instructor both at a high end gym and at a spinning studio. At the gym, an older male in his early 60’s took her spinning class and started appearing wherever my daughter happened to be at the gym - at her spinning classes, near her on the gym floor etc. He gave her inappropriate notes and said inappropriate things including comments on his likes about saunas, suggesting she should use the sauna, commenting that she had not had the opportunity to shower between a spinning class and working with a client on the floor. Then, he started showing up for her classes at the spinning studio. He left her a note with his cell phone number so that she could “call him” if her classes ever cancelled. He showed up at a spinning class she did in a neighboring state when the gym openned a facility there. It really began to creep her out and her co-workers at the gym all commented that they were observing what he was doing and something was “off”. She complained to management at the gym who was unresponsive since nothing had overtly “crossed the line”, whatever that means. I was going to directly intervene with the guy on a level and in a manner that would have communicated very clearly his need to stay away from her for his own well being but my daughter asked me not to because she knew that when it comes to her well being, I tend to be, well, “reactive” and she was concerned both about me getting arrested and there being blow back at her job. So we ended up discussing strategies to enable her to shut down his behavior. What finally turned the trick, though, was when the owner of the spinning studio pulled the guy aside and told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to take any of my daughter’s classes at either location and that his behavior had made her very uncomfortable.

I can really relate to the OP’s distress. Watching your child indistress because of this type of harassment is very tough, particularly when it falls into a grey area where the conduct may not be legally actionable but has risen to a level that is obvious and stress inducing. Without being in the OP’s shoes and knowing all of the details, it’s tough to recommend a course of action beyond just documenting every incident that occurs and reporting anything that crosses the line to the police. I would also suggest that the OP and her daughter speak to a local attorney who knows the local police and local state law on harassment and therefore can provide guidance on how to best document any untoward behavior and navigate the system.