Daughter has been lying to me!

3togo
Thu, 05 Aug 2010 09:52:43 +0000

Mom - I hope this works out well for you.



You should be sure that your D knows lying is unacceptable

One thing as a parent I try to be careful about is setting up a rule set that makes it VERY likely my children will break a rule.

If q parent has two rules

Do not ever drink or do drugs

Do not ever lie to me

And then the parents ask the question … “have you ever had a drink or taken drugs” … then they have set up a situation where about 90% of kids will by definition dissapoint their parents. They can face their parents rath/disapproval for either the choice the made or being honest about their choice.

In my house we’re trying to foster openness from our kids which means we can not go negative when they tell us they have done stuff we do not approve of … we certainly can share our thoughts on the behavior but we do not go negative … or next time they are likely to pick lying to avoid the same scene next time.

Mom, one last suggestion … maybe you never broke your parents rules or told white lies about it … but I’d bet if you ask 10 of your best friends the majority of them did when they were 16-17-18. I am not appoving your daughter’s behavior but she is doing what teenage kids do … if she had picked up DWI a couple times or disappearing for lenghts of time with an 30-year old boyfriend I would be giving very different advice … but your daughter’s level of testing of life and your rules is what virtually all teenagers do.