daughter is blaming us

A.S.A.P
Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:00:52 +0000

I guess I read the op’s post differently than some others here. She said that when her daughter got into the reach school “we rejoiced.” But in the next sentence she says her daughter chose school B-(boyfriend, etc.) Then the OP says they told her she could transfer if she isn’t happy, which sounds like a compromise was made that the D accepted, but is now having second thoughts about. The OP hasn’t really said that her D bought into school A at the beginning. It sounds to me like D wanted school B from the start, and parents wanted A once she was accepted.

Maybe the OP would let us know which it is, because it does make a difference, especially with the claim that the D was manipulated into accepting school A.

If the daughter wanted school A for herself until just this week when her boyfriend entered the picture, I can see why you would want her to stick with her choice, but if she was leaning to B all along, and her boyfriend happens to be an important part of the picture, then I think she should be able to make her choice for herself.
A lot of people automatically assume that a relationship isn’t a good reason for choosing a college. It may not a good reason if it’s the only one, but I think it’s valid as part of the equation. I think we undervalue relationships versus getting ahead, or taking a more prestigious job, or school, or whatever, in this country, especially for our young women. I understand it, considering the role of women in history, but we sometimes go to the other extreme and place very little value on it relative to the value of the academic education. I think relationships are an important part of education for young adults. Setting their own priorities is also a vital part of their education. If this includes an important relationship, dismissing it is not helpful, even though well-intentioned.