Daughter with cold feet. Please help

Marian
Mon, 15 Oct 2007 10:36:00 +0000

I would NOT push the overnight visit if your daughter is an introverted type.

A college overnight requires spending many consecutive hours in the company of total strangers, most likely extreme extraverts (because no introvert in his/her right mind would volunteer to host visiting prefreshmen). For an introvert, this is an exceedingly uncomfortable experience. Moreover, the situation usually involves sleeping on the floor, which is uncomfortable in its own way. And it may involve staying up very late at night (because the hosts – like most college students – do). For a high school student accustomed to a much earlier sort of schedule, this may add the discomfort of sleep deprivation to an already difficult experience.

If my introverted daughter had done a college overnight, she would probably have been so horrified by the experience that she would be commuting to State U and living at home right now. Instead, she’s doing well as a freshman at a school a seven-hour drive from home, living in a single room in a dorm. (She may have to live in a double next year, but by then she will have adjusted to the other aspects of college, and the prospect won’t seem quite so bad.)

A few other thoughts:

How far away from home does she gave to go to get what she’s looking for in terms of an academic program? If there’s a college within commuting distance (remember, she doesn’t HAVE to commute; she would merely have the choice) or a college within easy come-home-for-the-weekend distance that offers what she wants, it may end up being the ideal choice.

I wouldn’t push the idea of going far away for its own sake. If she can get what she needs while staying close to home, that may be the best thing for her.