Definition of cheating in a BF/GF relationship

Christine123
Wed, 06 Aug 2008 12:26:05 +0000

Bacchanalia: My boyfriend has not known this girl his whole life, they met in college, about half a year before he met me (I’m younger). He also didn’t recently start dating me. I will admit at the time my boyfriend made the decision, he didn’t know how long our relationship would last (maybe that changes things, maybe not). But, our relationship has lasted quite a while. No, I’m not married to my boyfriend, but I’d like him to take our relationship seriously and not have some girl other be more important to him at this point, and I do think I’m the most important girl in his life at this point. I don’t plan on getting married till I’m at least 25, but I’d like to think the long-term relationship I’m in is more serious than “college fun.” I’m not one into hook-ups and flings.

I didn’t post earlier because I didn’t want my relationship problems being too publicly discussed on a forum. However, I especially appreciated horsegirl1050’s post among a few others, not that I agreed with them all, but because she and the few others were genuinely trying to help. I’m sure any person horsegirl1050 dates in the future / is dating appreciates her honesty and genuine care for others. Besides, she obviously knows what’s good for her, so I’m sure she’ll find / has found the perfect guy for her.

To answer a few questions / make a few comments: I never claimed my boyfriend was emotionally cheating on me, and I honestly know he hasn’t cheated on me in any form, but I was just commenting in the topic of the thread.
Yes, I definitely let my boyfriend know that I had a problem with the situation (maybe some people would consider it guilt-tripping, but I doubt I caused him much guilt, just argument), but I found out when it was almost too late to change things, even though they weren’t set in stone. I probably should have let the girl know that I absolutely was not happy with the situation (and before anyone guilt-trips me over this, I really regret not being…less sweet…I’m really too nice sometimes, but thanks to all who said I sounded sweet, hehe), and I did let her know I was having problems and might break up with my boyfriend over it, but it didn’t change anything. She told me to try dealing with it cause we seem to have a good thing going.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that my boyfriend is one of the most honest people I know, and I always thought he’d tell me anything big, and he has, with this one big exception. I really do care about him, and this might be an unpopular decision, but I’m definitely giving him another chance when I get back to school (I’m currently abroad, halfway around the world…not exactly a great place to make drastic relationship decisions), but I 'll keep everyone’s advice in mind. And thanks!

Note: I completely trust my boyfriend. The thing that bothers me most is that the living together relationship is something I feel is a relationship you build with your girlfriend, if we’re going along the lines of two people with different genders living together, alone. I realized this first hand when I was living with a guy friend for a couple weeks while in-between moving from my dorm to an apartment. You build this relationship of relying on each other for being responsible and having the comfort of knowing the person is in the other room. That aside, just the moving in step with my boyfriend is very important to me…mostly because unless my beliefs change, it’s something reserved for me and after marriage. Maybe not everyone finds this important, but I do, and I guess therefore that’s important for a relationship that I’m in.