Did I really mess up my essay?

Dimdim370
Sun, 02 May 2010 20:54:28 +0000

I think a lot of people miss the point of the essay.
Sometimes when you make your essay too broad, the reader gets sidetracked from your original point unless you write a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. The topic sentence gives the reader the basic point of the following body of that paragraph. At the end of each paragraph, the writer should reaffirm his/her point in order to make it clear. It’s also okay to make things up as long as it sounds right. Here is an example from a practice SAT essay I tried.

The prompt is “Do we need knowledge of the past in order to fully understand the future?”

Intro: “The past holds the key to the present and the future, for every event has a logical outcome,” quoted an ancient Chinese philosopher. (I completely made this up.)
*Thesis: Because every event creates a logical outcome, knowing the past allows one to understand the present better.

Par1:
*Topic sentence: The past explains certain populations who who live in the world today.
*Give an example to back the point up: A good example of this is shown in both the African American and Native American populations in America today. Statistically, it has been shown that these two races in particular are prone to obesity due to the gene scientists have chosen to call the “Thrifty Gene.” This gene allows the carriers to survive and function on very little food. Because of this, the populations are now becoming more obese from consuming more than their bodies wish to spend.
*Reaffirming your point at the end of the paragraph and connecting it to the thesis: The past explains this gene through the slave breeding of African Americans and the reservation systems of the Native Americans

Par2:
*Topic sentence that ties the first paragraph to this next point: Genetics aside, the past also helps to explain a person’s character.
*Example that supports topic sentence: My friend Jessica is one of the smartest students at school. She gets straight A’s and class awards more easily than a fish gets water. However, I’ve noticed that, unlike the other students who achieve so much, Jessica is very extroverted and loves to make friends. I soon discovered that the key to this personality ay in her past, for she admitted that she used to be home schooled, allowing her more time to socialize.
*Ending of paragraph that reaffirms your point and ties it to the thesis: If not for the past, I would not fully know Jessica at the present.

Par3)
*Topic sentence: A person’s past not only shows character, but may also show motive and give reasons for a person’s actions.
*Example: In the book The Great Gatsby, Jay Gatsby is obsessed with a girl named Daisy, spending millions of dollars just to be close to her and get her attention. At first, the reader finds this puzzling, but the reader soon learns that Gatsby and Daisy were once lovers in the past when he was a poor man.
*Reaffirm: This shows how the past can explain certain actions of the present.

*Conclusion:(you can write a single sentence conclusion if you don’t have time) Thus to truly understand the present, one must learn of the pas, for the past holds the key to the present.

Here is is altogether:

“The past holds the key to the present and the future, for every event has a logical outcome,” quoted an ancient Chinese philosopher. Because every event creates a logical outcome, knowing the past allows one to understand the present better.

The past explains certain populations who who live in the world today. A good example of this is shown in both the African American and Native American populations in America today. Statistically, it has been shown that these two races in particular are prone to obesity due to the gene scientists have chosen to call the “Thrifty Gene.” This gene allows the carriers to survive and function on very little food. Because of this, the populations are now becoming more obese from consuming more than their bodies wish to spend. The past explains this gene through the slave breeding of African Americans and the reservation systems of the Native Americans

Genetics aside, the past also helps to explain a person’s character. My friend Jessica is one of the smartest students at school. She gets straight A’s and class awards more easily than a fish gets water. However, I’ve noticed that, unlike the other students who achieve so much, Jessica is very extroverted and loves to make friends. I soon discovered that the key to this personality lay in her past, for she admitted that she used to be home schooled, allowing her more time to socialize. If not for the past, I would not fully know Jessica at the present.

A person’s past not only shows character, but may also show motive and give reasons for a person’s actions. In the book The Great Gatsby, Jay Gatsby is obsessed with a girl named Daisy, spending millions of dollars just to be close to her and get her attention. At first, the reader finds this puzzling, but the reader soon learns that Gatsby and Daisy were once lovers in the past when he was a poor man. This shows how the past can explain certain actions of the present.


Thus to truly understand the present, one must learn of the pas, for the past holds the key to the present.