Do I still love him?

College Confidential Community
#1

Hey guys, I’m new to this, but my friend recommended me that there are many wise and objective people here who could help me. I am a rising senior and I had a boyfriend who broke up with me three weeks ago.

So my ex and I were really close friends since 9th grade and that led to us having a good relationship. We were dating since last March.

Although I loved him a lot, I never thought he was ‘the one’. I knew I was going to break up with him, and I actually kept in mind that I would do so when I go to college. The reason why was because he and I were very different from the start.

I am a top-ranked student with the highest GPA, had leadership positions in various sport teams and clubs, had a clear goal of what I wanted to be in the future and which university I would choose to go. My boyfriend, he was never liked by the teachers. He was a very nice person, but he wasn’t enthusiastic in anything and still does not know which college he would apply to. The only thing he loves is football, but his parents do not support him being an athlete.

This was also the reason why my boyfriend declared an end to our relationship few weeks ago. I was very busy last month, taking AP exams, SAT, and was also the president of student council organizing prom. This made him tired of waiting and being lonely all the time. He does not take any AP exams so he had nothing to do while all his other friends and I were busy preparing for college. He told me I was too busy and we had nothing in common. He wants to meet someone like him, girls in our school who are free. (I honestly think they are so messed up and him going out with them is the last thing I want to see.)

Here’s the strange part: I knew he was not the one and have been telling myself that I would break up with him when I go to college, but I feel terribly sad and heartbroken. I heard he went to the beach with some other girls today and that made me so upset I had to cry all day.

Do I still love him?

#2

I think that is only an answer you can answer for yourself, but it sounds like to me you don’t necessarily miss being in a relationship with him specifically but the security of being in a relationship. Breakups are tough and it is perfectly normal to feel that way. As humans we are always inclined to wonder the what ifs and the how could it be differents. It is even more difficult when someone else breaks up with us because sometimes you feel a bit blindsided or inadequate. After the breakup, it is important to also fill your time with things that you find meaningful and you love. Only then can you objectively answer that question for yourself because you are not sitting all day wondering about it. It may be that you still do given the fact that different people can still get along just fine. Or you may find that you don’t. Then treat it as an opportunity. Use the time to find someone that you may feel is the one or you do see something more long term. Or not and just enjoy life. It’s up to you. But do know that your feelings are valid and it is normal to feel this way even if you felt some of it coming

#3

It’s normal to feel sad after ending a long relationship, period.

If he’s not “the one” then you are doing both of you a favor by not wasting each other’s time.

#4

I was in the same situation when I was a freshman–we dated for 10 months, but were COMPLETE opposites. I knew that we had nothing in common and was honestly suprised that the relationship lasted as long as it did, but it took me like 2 months to stop being sad about it.

Obviously if you dated for that long, even with all your differences, you clearly cared for each other, especially since you said you were friends since 9th grade. I think what you’re going through is simply just withdrawal; you’re so used to having him around, that you’re not used to finally being by yourself, and in that situation, it’s normal to feel upset if he’s giving attention to other girls and not you.

I’m a rising senior as well, and I’ve forced myself to not get involved with any relationships junior and senior year because there’s so much more to focus on. We’re going to college in a year!! We have applications to work on, schools to tour, and descions to receive! There are so many things to focus on rather than relationships. What I suggest is start hanging out with your friends more, and keep yourself busy so you don’t have to think about your ex anymore. Maybe unfollow him on social media for a bit until you get over him?? The best thing to do is fill your life with things that make you happy so you have no time to be sad. Let yourself mope for a few days, then get back into the groove of being happy. After all, if you never thought that he was “the one”, then spending your time being sad about it will do you no good.

Good luck. You got this! =D> =D>