Do you ever feel inadequate?

Psycho_Paroxysm
Sun, 06 May 2007 19:43:01 +0000

That’s how I feel every single day of my life.
The makeup I put on, the dressing up–all of that is merely for my own self-esteem, which is severely lacking. So I do it to feel “adequate” (yes, w/out it I feel like dirt). My need for the security it provides is obvious considering that I spend about an hour on my appearance each morning… (it’s all worth it in my messed-up mindset)
Just because my rank in one class goes down to #2 makes me feel bad. In one of my classes, I used to be #1 but now I fall behind #1 by 9 pts. Ok, so I know that’s illogical but I can’t help but feel that way.
I used to obsess over my grade in another class. However, I’ve temporarily stopped because it’s not #1 (although it will be once I turn something in…).

My friends tell me I need to find other outlets/supports for my self-esteem. However, I don’t see anything beyond the few things that consume my life.
The smallest little change in something I value as a part of who I am instantly ruins my day until I can reclaim it.