Does he have to stick with this to the end?

JDA_1990
Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:20:04 +0000

Thanks everyone for your helpful responses. I am going to broach the subject of quitting band with S this weekend on a college visit trip. He has alluded to me lately a few times that he may quit band next year; I think he needs to talk through this. I want him to be able to make a thoughtful, informed decision, but not to feel that he is obligated to participate if that’s not the right decision for him. He always has a great sense of obligation to finish what he starts, but clearly he also needs to balance that with what is right for him. Some thoughts…

orchestramom: “Band should absolutely NOT be a priority at the expense of senior year college apps, visits, test, etc. And shame on any high school for allowing it.”

This is what worries me most. Fall is heavy time for both college apps, visits, etc. and for marching band. No flexibility on part of directors. I will put my foot down, but retribution in grades is my experience with older S. The proverbial rock and a hard place.

CountingDown: “I would suggest to my S that he take advantage of the leadership role to advocate changes that will improve his situation, as well as everyone else’s.”

This is exactly his plan. As captain of the drumline next year he feels it is his obligation to the rest of the drumline. It would be a great learning experience for him, although I would anticipate lots of conflict and resistance from the director. Still, a great learning experience for sure.

Northstarmom: “Even better: Use the free time to pursue some interests that he hasn’t had time to delve into before. Senior year is fun. Encourage him to enjoy it.”

Agreed. That would be the upside to not continuing with band. He has just hit his stride socially and leadership wise this year and I think will really blossom as a senior next year. Would be free to pursue activities that he hasn’t been able to enjoy the past 3 years.

Lafalum84: “…especially if for him this feels like a moral or ethical decision, or a way to make a statement to the band director that his unreasonableness can no longer be tolerated.”

After a solo competition the director was ‘pointing out’ to everyone that only one student had not achieved the highest rating possible. My S ‘loudly’ told the boy that he thought he had done a great job and had done his best. I asked my S if the director got mad at him for doing so; he said he didn’t care and that he stands up for people who are being bullied, even if the bully is a teacher. Good for him. Shame on the teacher.

PackMom: “Senior year should be fun.”

I couldn’t agree with you more. He definitely needs to believe he will have fun or it is not worth doing.

JHS: “…might wait a couple months to tell the band directors where they can stick their baton…”

made me laugh :)

Batllo: “You’re free from the tyranny of Band! Enjoy life!”

Well said!

I will update after the weekend and conversation with my S. Thanks everyone!