Don't send you daughters too far away to college.

timely
Fri, 05 Aug 2005 11:41:01 +0000

I am so thankful for how my mother handled my disinterest in her during my early marriage years. She called me. She didn’t call too often, only once every week or two…just enough to keep contact. If she hadn’t, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to call her. A long time, I think.

She never, ever asked why I didn’t call her. She never whined or complained about not seeing me or the grandbaby. She asked about what was going on with me and told me what was going on with them. I was always happy to hear from her because she never burdened me with any expectations. She praised me and complimented me. When I told her we were planning to homeschool the kids, she said, “Well, if anyone can do that, you can!”

Over time, I grew up. We moved back to our hometown when we’d been married 5 years. My mom was so involved in her own life that at times I would get a little miffed that she was too busy for me.

Now she’s retired and she and dad have moved back to their hometown. We talk once or twice a week by phone and I am as likely to call her as she is to call me. My kids have a close relationship with her and those few years apart had no effect whatsoever.

Expectations are a prison when they are put upon you. Think about it. When someone frequently lets you know that you aren’t meeting their expectations, all you want to do is get away.