Don't send you daughters too far away to college.

calmom
Wed, 03 Aug 2005 21:06:32 +0000

BHG, it sounds to me like your daughter is still very immature, still in an adolescent rebellion stage where she wants to do things on her own, but now she has landed herself right in the middle of a lot of responsibility that she probably was not emotionally ready for. Running away to get married, and now she’s got to live with her husband, live with the in-laws, and a new baby. If they are already selling their first house & moving into another, it sounds like the husband is somewhat older, to be so well-established financially.

If so, I think she will come around in time - she’s just in the midst of trying to adjust to a whole new life. She may be avoiding you because it is emotionally upsetting for her to talk to you - not because of what you are saying, but because there’s still part of her that is a little girl who wishes she could come running home, but of course she knows that she cannot do that and must maintain her new grownup role as wife & mother.

I know that my relationship with my son improved a lot after he was working and supporting himself, living on his own for awhile. He just grew up, started to see himself as an independent adult - but at the same time started to really appreciate what his parents lives and responsibilities were like.

I know it is so hard emotionally when there is a grand child involved, but please remember that this is just the beginning: this child will grow and be around for many years. Truthfully, as much as you would like to cuddle the baby, this is the least important time in terms of the baby developing a relationship with you. It is those years ages 3 & up that the child will actually know who you are and that you will have more meaningful interaction – and even grandchildren who live far away usually come to visit grandparents from time to time. So as frustrating as it is right now, I think that in the end you will probably have plenty of time to get to know this grandchild and the other grandchildren you are sure to have.