Drinking and Summer Vacation

paying3tuitions
Wed, 24 Feb 2010 11:29:27 +0000

From the OP:

I’m curious how some of you parents who have had your kids home for their first summer handle the alcohol issue.



We were extremely careful concerning all friends who dropped over. We had a sense of our own kids, worked out over many years of close family dinners, zero-tolerance drinking/driving for us and them, the difference between 4 sips of wine at a Passover home seder vs. 4 beers elsewhere, and all that stuff every responsible parent tends to in their own vision of a “good upbringing,” each in their own language.

But friends bring different expectations, understandings and misunderstandings from their families that we cannot possibly know in detail.

My H was adamant not to serve even Sabbath Manischevitz (sugar + sugar) wine to guest minors at our dinner table, even though our own kids had sipped this since age 13 at our sides and finally, by senior year h.s., shared an occasional nice single glass of wine with a well-cooked home dinner. That was the norm when we were “just us” at home.

BUT…when our kids brought over friends from college freshman days, we actually switched back to grape juice for Friday night dinner! The last thing we needed was someone telling their families they had been served their first glass of “alcohol” at age 17, 18 or 19 in our home. In that first summer, there were still some friends attending senior year of h.s. as well as other college freshmen who came around. Along with legalities, we watch out for “the appearance of impropriety” and don’t think that’s hypocritical at all. Our kids understood it as protecting our own household (not protecting the other kids) and for that reason, I believe respected it very much. It’s a boundary and doesn’t say anything negative about any particular visiting friend.

Lightening up now… when we took our youngest as a college rising sophomore over to a mixed-generation summertime gathering in another family’s home, there a full bar was part of their every dinner. That grandma asked my 19-y.o. son to bring her a mixed drink, which he did with great panache. My jaw dropped. I asked, “where did you learn how to do that?” He said, Mom, I’m in college now.

So anticipate many surprises this coming summer. I’d say: continue to pay closest attention to drink-and-drive issues, as those are high-stakes. Also keep your legal boundaries up regarding visiting friends, who are all in transitional ages along with your son, who’ll be a “rising sophomore” this summer.