Drugs and alcohol

D_yer_Maker
Sat, 28 Apr 2007 15:58:50 +0000

If you are not a follower and remind yourself of the totally sane view that you don’t want to fall into that crap, you won’t.

For some people, drugs and alcohol don’t present a temptation. Not doing drugs and resisting them are different animals. I never resisted drugs…at least not any more than you could say that I resisted putting a nail gun to my head and trying that out to see what might happen. So I can’t speak firsthand to the will power aspect of avoiding drugs and alcohol. (I am a light drinker now…but I didn’t have a single beer through high school even though my older brother was a campus rep for a major brewery who had me help out serving beer at college parties.)

I’m a volunteer guardian for abused and neglected kids, so I see plenty of adults who’ve got serious problems trying to get their kids back from foster care. (Sitting down with these people would scare anyone into sobriety. Yechh.) But here’s some advice that I’ve adapted for them from training that I used to give regarding bribery and handling of classified information (as these are all temptations that become seemingly irresistible when you’ve arrived at the doorstep to insanity).

1) Make your decision about what to do when you’re sane and clear-headed and totally rational. What is the right choice? Work through a number of scenarios if you want. But think them through and decide NOW what the correct choice is.

2) Say it out loud (or aloud, if you prefer ) Do it in front of a mirror. Tell yourself what you will do in clear terms.

3) Later on, when you’re not thinking straight, REMEMBER your decision. SEE and HEAR yourself when you made a promise to yourself in that mirror. Whether it’s your friends challenging you to be a man and do a beer bong…in front of some girl you’ve been trying to impress for several months; or it’s a foreign agent offering you thousands of dollars to provide unimportant information the week before your kid’s tuition payment is due; or you’re alone with your sweetie and there’s no protection around and your feelings for each other are intense. Whatever the temptation is…you’ve set yourself up for failure if you wait to think through your decision when you’re too insane to think straight.

You want to RECALL the decision you made when you were thinking clearly. You have to promise yourself that you will listen to the mirror voice instead of rethinking through the situation anew…when you’re ill-equipped to think through it.

If you find yourself thinking through it again…you should pledge to do this: tell your mother about your decision. You don’t have to tell her (unless you want to) about your decision if you go with the one you thought through; but you have to swear to yourself that within one week you will tell your mother all about the decision you made if you choose to rethink it.

And the mom part…it’s not for high school kids. I use that for adults. Mom, wife, anyone who you respect works. You have to tell them if you try to reconsider your clear-headed decision making. I encourage people to leave a note for themselves somewhere that says, “Call mom.” People who see it think, “Awwww…how sweet! He calls his mom!” But to you it’s a constant reminder that you have made a pledge to yourself to call her if you reconsider your clear-headed decision.

All you have to do is to have enough sanity remaining to remember your clear-headed decision OR remember that there’s a message for you later on that will compel you to be accountable for your decision if you open the original one up to reconsideration.

You’re ahead of the game because you know the decision ahead of time. You will help yourself more by choosing rock-solid friends who share your values and maturity…as they won’t let you betray your own principles.

And then there’s the matter of walking away. Sometimes – but not always – it’s not good enough or possible to simply walk away. You might be stranding yourself in a bad place, for instance. And then – after the group gets caught – who is going to remember that prepstudent1 didn’t participate? They’re all stoned, they thought nothing of putting you in danger, and you think they’re going to remember that you opted out? My advice in these situations is to couple your decision with something that’s unforgettable, perhaps outrageous.

Bill Gates’ dad was a prominent lawyer before Bill made his first dollar. When Bill went into negotiations with IBM over his software product, his dad told him that if the conversation steered toward something illegal – antitrust violations, for instance – that he needed to not just leave the room. He needed to pour the glass of water onto the conference table as he announced that he was not participating any further in the discussions. These sorts of things create indelible memory anchors for other people who would otherwise be inclined to forget details of who left the room when and for what reason. You may not always have ice water to pour. But you can take your shirt off and put it on inside out. Or use most any prop around you in some absurd way as you make it clear that you refuse to participate.

It might help you…but that’s just a last resort.

Remember, who you associate with is your best defense against getting caught up in situations that could implode on you.