Elderly parents

travelnut
Fri, 24 Feb 2012 16:35:17 +0000

Sorry for your loss and the stress of trying to do right by your relative every day. I use a parenting analogy for later life/dying issues. Just like you don’t know your toddler won’t eat small toys until they are completely through that phase, or that the second nap is really gone, etc., you don’t always know when an ill person or elder is going down hill for the last time. Often, there are several times before they die when you are not sure if “this is it”. Only the passage of time holds the answer. It is humbling, but please be reassured that the “pros” often get it wrong. My mother was on hospice for 10 months before she died. I was advised it would likely be less than 2 months. She outlived all expectations, with a good quality of life.

However a loved one leaves, there are always tradeoffs. So many people say they would love to die in there sleep, without fanfare or anticipation. This can be tough on those left behind, who wanted to be able to say goodbye, but a merciful exit.

Please be good to yourself. You did everything to help and without your ongoing support, things could have been so much worse.