essay any good?

brhchs06
Fri, 23 Sep 2005 17:35:20 +0000

First, as a disclaimer, don’t put your essay online if you dont want it to get ripped…because it always will, even if its perfect (which yours is far from, but thats not the point).

I stopped reading it after the first paragraph. I honestly put myself in the position of an adcomm, and said “no” as soon as I finished that first paragraph. You talk about how volleyball > education - you’re applying to an educational institution where professors are reading your essay. Do you honestly think they want someone who might not pay attention in class because he is wondering about something else. So start with that

Second, I also stopped reading because it was all clumped together and didn’t flow well. Got boring real fast. I don’t dislike volleyball, but I need to know about you, not how well your volleyball team and some generic feeling that you were happy about doing well.

Heh…I did read the last setnence, and I wish I didnt (as an AdComm perspective). Yah, you like volleyball, cool…but why do you need to go to a college to play volleyball. You talk about how you’re glad school ends so you can go to volleyball. Where is even the slightest desire to learn?

If you’re applying to a state school or less competitive college, then don’t worry so much. But if you’re applying to anywhere in the top-25, be happy you still have 4 weeks to polish it up. You asked for my opinion and I gave it, but I suggest you listen rather than do what everyone always does - believe their writing is awesome and feel no need to make drastic changes to it. Its better someone gave true criticism rather than false praise.