Essay for NYU... please help me

RKATC
Fri, 15 Oct 2004 03:46:01 +0000

Sorry, but it seems to not really go anywhere. I get the point that you are trying to make, but you should really focus on that point and cut out a lot of the excess stuff. Make the essay mean something and really show something of importance. Remember that admissions are reading thousands of essays and yours is just another one on the list. You need to make sure that you are engaging and writing about something of significance throughout the essay. Also, it doesn’t flow nicely. Too much repetition of certain phrases and ideas (ie mentioning the seat number, 25-C, multiple times in a short number of sentences). There are also many gramatical errors. May I suggest that you find an exceptional writer that you know and have them edit and make suggestions for improvement.
But who knows. There are books of college admissions essays out there, and it is surprising which ones not only lead to the student’s acceptence, but publication in the book as well. Maybe with a little tweaking admissions will find something in it that intrigues them. Good luck.
(ps-sorry if anything was harsh, I’m just saying what I would want someone to tell me if necessary)