Essay for NYU... please help me

ForeverZero
Fri, 15 Oct 2004 21:25:41 +0000

i’m korean too, so i understand if your english is a little weak. overall, your theme is pretty interesting. i like how you take a seemingly ordinary experience and make it meaningful to you. however, you almost go overboard with your shyness. don’t make it seem like you’re anti-social (this can really hurt in the college admissions process). instead, focus more on how you gained self-confidence and how you became courageous enough to stand up for yourself when someone was hurting you. i like how you described the way that elders are revered in korean society. i know exactly what that’s like (i feel so lowly during our family reunions). overall, it’s a good topic, but you need some work. show it to a teacher to fix the grammar, and don’t present yourself as a loner.

btw, where are you thinking of applying?